The Starter Boyfriend: Part Three

Just as we should, and do, have Starter Boyfriends... we should also have those in-between boyfriends.

DISCLAIMER: I am a firm believer in being HONEST about feelings and expectations.  Some people might think that I am a giant A-Hole for referring to someone as a Starter or In-Between Boyfriend.  The reality is, for me, the guys who get these titles know that they land in one of these categories.  Sometimes Mr. In-Between becomes Mr. Semi-Long Term or even Mr. Boyfriend and SOMETIMES Mr. Fiancé.  Sometimes the Starter Boyfriend becomes an actual boyfriend.  Sometimes they start out as a Starter/In-Between and stay exactly that.  However it turns out, it is and will be OK.  Just be sure to be honest with yourself and the other person in the relationship.
So often, when we find ourselves on the other side of a relationship, which ended for whatever reason, and we don't know where to start picking up the pieces.  As time goes on, we try to put ourselves back together enough to get out there and start living again.  This can take days, weeks, months, and even years.

First things first: DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU HOW LONG THIS SHOULD TAKE.
It is easy for someone on the outside to tell you "oh, it is too soon".  It is also really easy for someone to tell you "the best way to get over one is to get under another".  There is truth in both of these statements, but YOU have to figure out what is right for YOU.

Next: DON'T PUT LIMITS ON YOURSELF FOR HOW LONG THIS SHOULD TAKE.
Time does heal wounds.  Think about it... it takes time for our physical wounds to scab and scar.  Why should we treat our emotional wounds any differently?  We are so quick to tell ourselves that we HAVE to wait a year when we get out of a committed relationship.  If it was a short relationship, we give ourselves a week and then we jump right back in.  Sometimes the most superficial wounds take the longest to heal – yet we don’t allow them the time to do so.  In the same way, some of the wounds that we expect to be the deepest and most labor intensive to heal eventually heal on their own, and in less time than expected.  Again, you have to figure out what is right for you in each situation.

In our little imaginary world, we are going to wait a week, month, or year before getting back out there.  We are going to focus on ourselves and heal.  In reality, someone comes along and ruins our imaginary timeline.  We fight it.  We put limits on things that don't want nor require limits.  We put relationships and feelings in a box rather than just letting things run their course.

The in-between boyfriend generally comes around when we least expect or what him to.  He messes with our timeline that we have created so perfectly in our imagination.  Some friends celebrate his arrival, telling us that it is a great opportunity to learn and grow.  Some friends tell us to be cautious, which is to be expected, but allow us to make our own decisions.  Other friends tell us that it isn't fair to have an in-between boyfriend - he will get hurt.  The reality is... it is a risk.

Dating is risky.
Starter boyfriends are risky.
In-between boyfriends are risky.
Boyfriends are risky.
Fiancés are risky.
Husbands are risky.

If you aren't willing to risk getting hurt, you shouldn't be out there.  In the same way, if the starter/in-between boyfriends don't go into dating knowing that there is risk involved, they should just say home.  In the risky business of dating, we need to remember to relax and just take things one day at a time.  Rather than putting limits on emotions and feelings and putting labels on things – let’s make a commitment to enjoying seasons of Starters and In-Betweens.