Friday, 25 December 2009
Sunday, 13 December 2009
I forgot a few vital parts when writing Part Deux...
On Tuesday, I was talking to one of my Supervisors about the whole situation. I have a lot of respect for her and her opinion. She loves the Lord, and it shows in the way she lives her life. She is just a solid woman. In the midst of our conversation, she reminded me of my responsibility as a Christian. She reminded me of my responsibility to forgive my dad, to tell him that God forgives him and loves him, and my responsibility to act with grace. She told me what I didn't want to hear, but what I needed to hear.
Tuesday night, I went home and wrote a letter to my dad, that my sister would read to him on Wednesday. I sent it to a few people to have it checked. I wanted it to be honest but full of love and grace. I just wanted to tell my dad the Truth. Here is what I wrote...
Dad.
I forgive you.
You have hurt me over and over and over again. Just when I thought you couldn’t hurt me any more, you did. You continually chose yourself over your family, especially your children. You haven’t been there for me.
You rarely made an appearance at a show choir performance, you missed my 8th grade graduation speech, you didn’t stay at my high school graduation long enough to take a picture, and you got me tires instead of coming to my college graduation. Those moments meant and still mean a lot to me. They helped to make me who I am today. You missed pivotal moments in my life. You have missed me becoming me.
I forgive you.
More than that, God forgives you.
You have made countless poor decisions, but we all have. We have all screwed up. The beauty of the cross is we don’t have to bear that anymore. God sent his son, pure and holy, to die for our mess, for our shame, for our sin. Jesus died so that we could be holy, so that we could live.
It says in the Bible, “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10)
Dad, the God of the Universe is madly in love with you.
He loves you unconditionally, with a love that is unceasing and all encompassing.
He forgives you.
I forgive you.
-Amanda
I sent the letter to my sister and she read it to my dad on Wednesday morning.
Mid-morning on Wednesday, my brother-in-law called me. Just like my supervisor, he spoke truth that I didn't want to hear but needed to hear. He just told me the truth and let me make my own decision, much the way my supervisor and Teresa did.
On Tuesday, I was talking to one of my Supervisors about the whole situation. I have a lot of respect for her and her opinion. She loves the Lord, and it shows in the way she lives her life. She is just a solid woman. In the midst of our conversation, she reminded me of my responsibility as a Christian. She reminded me of my responsibility to forgive my dad, to tell him that God forgives him and loves him, and my responsibility to act with grace. She told me what I didn't want to hear, but what I needed to hear.
Tuesday night, I went home and wrote a letter to my dad, that my sister would read to him on Wednesday. I sent it to a few people to have it checked. I wanted it to be honest but full of love and grace. I just wanted to tell my dad the Truth. Here is what I wrote...
Dad.
I forgive you.
You have hurt me over and over and over again. Just when I thought you couldn’t hurt me any more, you did. You continually chose yourself over your family, especially your children. You haven’t been there for me.
You rarely made an appearance at a show choir performance, you missed my 8th grade graduation speech, you didn’t stay at my high school graduation long enough to take a picture, and you got me tires instead of coming to my college graduation. Those moments meant and still mean a lot to me. They helped to make me who I am today. You missed pivotal moments in my life. You have missed me becoming me.
I forgive you.
More than that, God forgives you.
You have made countless poor decisions, but we all have. We have all screwed up. The beauty of the cross is we don’t have to bear that anymore. God sent his son, pure and holy, to die for our mess, for our shame, for our sin. Jesus died so that we could be holy, so that we could live.
It says in the Bible, “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10)
Dad, the God of the Universe is madly in love with you.
He loves you unconditionally, with a love that is unceasing and all encompassing.
He forgives you.
I forgive you.
-Amanda
I sent the letter to my sister and she read it to my dad on Wednesday morning.
Mid-morning on Wednesday, my brother-in-law called me. Just like my supervisor, he spoke truth that I didn't want to hear but needed to hear. He just told me the truth and let me make my own decision, much the way my supervisor and Teresa did.
Saturday, 12 December 2009
As I said in Part 1, everything changed on November 19th.
My Dad was admitted to the hospital for shortness of breath/side pains. They kept him overnight to run some tests.
My sister sent me a text message informing of the situation and continued to keep me updated. He was in the hospital on Friday with no new updates really (or at least none that I knew of). Saturday, same situation. Sunday, my sisters got word that it was probably cancer, so they again let me know of what was going on.
Monday, I got a text saying it was Cancer.
Wednesday, I was informed that it was Stage 4, very aggressive, and my dad wouldn't have long.
At this point, it had been 6 days since he was admitted to the hospital. I had let a few friends know what was going on, but stayed away from posting things on Facebook and Twitter, as I didn't know how to express all of my feelings without feelings like I would need to explain myself or provide a back story.
The few people that I did let know all, in one way or another, asked me if I was sure about choosing to NOT go see my dad. I was sure. I had thought long and hard about it.
I left work early on Wednesday, as it was all starting to hit me emotionally. I went to my Grandma and Grandpa's house, for a hug and kiss that can only come from my sweet Grandma Brown. After that, I went home to just be. I went to Spin as usual and then headed over to the Harvey house.
Jim and Teresa have been like another set of parents since my Freshman year of High School. They have wiped countless tears, many about my dad and his absence. I was with Teresa when she got word that her dad died of a heart attack just a few years ago. We have been there for each other when it comes to dad's not being there. She is amazing.
Well, Teresa wouldn't take no for an answer. Teresa wasn't pressuring me to be mean or to make me do something that I didn't want to do, she just wanted me to REALLY think about the decision I was making. So, since I am Portuguese, and we are stubborn, I yelled, "FINE, Then we are going right now, for 5 minutes. Right now. Don't give me time to change my mind." She was shocked. We grabbed our purses and jumped in my car to head to the hospital.
I was in slippers. :)
We got to the hospital, and I had mixed emotions. I didn't know how I felt.
I walked into the room, where just my sister and my dad were. I said Hi. He said Hi. I asked him how he was. He mumbled his answer and feel asleep. He couldn't stay awake for long. He was so out of it. After 20 minutes, my step-mom arrived, so Teresa and I left.
I was glad I went.
It was the right thing to do.
I will never know if I would have regretted not going to see my dad. I won't. What I DO know, is that I am glad I went. It felt right.
Thanksgiving and Black Friday were tough.
More on that in Part Tres....
My Dad was admitted to the hospital for shortness of breath/side pains. They kept him overnight to run some tests.
My sister sent me a text message informing of the situation and continued to keep me updated. He was in the hospital on Friday with no new updates really (or at least none that I knew of). Saturday, same situation. Sunday, my sisters got word that it was probably cancer, so they again let me know of what was going on.
Monday, I got a text saying it was Cancer.
Wednesday, I was informed that it was Stage 4, very aggressive, and my dad wouldn't have long.
At this point, it had been 6 days since he was admitted to the hospital. I had let a few friends know what was going on, but stayed away from posting things on Facebook and Twitter, as I didn't know how to express all of my feelings without feelings like I would need to explain myself or provide a back story.
The few people that I did let know all, in one way or another, asked me if I was sure about choosing to NOT go see my dad. I was sure. I had thought long and hard about it.
I left work early on Wednesday, as it was all starting to hit me emotionally. I went to my Grandma and Grandpa's house, for a hug and kiss that can only come from my sweet Grandma Brown. After that, I went home to just be. I went to Spin as usual and then headed over to the Harvey house.
Jim and Teresa have been like another set of parents since my Freshman year of High School. They have wiped countless tears, many about my dad and his absence. I was with Teresa when she got word that her dad died of a heart attack just a few years ago. We have been there for each other when it comes to dad's not being there. She is amazing.
Well, Teresa wouldn't take no for an answer. Teresa wasn't pressuring me to be mean or to make me do something that I didn't want to do, she just wanted me to REALLY think about the decision I was making. So, since I am Portuguese, and we are stubborn, I yelled, "FINE, Then we are going right now, for 5 minutes. Right now. Don't give me time to change my mind." She was shocked. We grabbed our purses and jumped in my car to head to the hospital.
I was in slippers. :)
We got to the hospital, and I had mixed emotions. I didn't know how I felt.
I walked into the room, where just my sister and my dad were. I said Hi. He said Hi. I asked him how he was. He mumbled his answer and feel asleep. He couldn't stay awake for long. He was so out of it. After 20 minutes, my step-mom arrived, so Teresa and I left.
I was glad I went.
It was the right thing to do.
I will never know if I would have regretted not going to see my dad. I won't. What I DO know, is that I am glad I went. It felt right.
Thanksgiving and Black Friday were tough.
More on that in Part Tres....
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
I don't know about you, but I do some good thinking while in the shower.
I was thinking a lot about the last post, the first in the series about my dad. I was thinking about what I wrote. I don't regret what I wrote. I wrote truth.
I want to be clear about my intentions in writing this series. I want to be clear for you the reader, and for me as I write.
1. I do not, by any means, want this to be a blog bashing my dad. Though my dad made poor choices, as we all do, he was still my dad.
2. Though I don't have many good memories with my dad, I do have a few.*
*When we spent the summer in TX after I finished the 7th grade, my dad got my sister and I summer passes to Splashtown, so we could go to the water park while he was at work.
*When I didn't have school, I would sometimes go to work with my dad, he let me sweep up the sawdust from the tools.
*My dad always let me raid his ashtray full of change.
*My dad loved Nascar, he would fall asleep watching any race, I would try to change the channel... he would INSTANTLY wake up, insist that he was listening to the race, and would make me change it back.
*My dad took us camping and tubing down the river any chance he got.
3. The stories that I tell, and the journey that I am sharing is my own. My sisters have had completely different experiences with my dad. We each had individual relationships, that look and feel different for each of us.
4. It isn't that my dad didn't try to have a relationship with me, he did. He tried, as best as he knew how. I know that I am not an easy person to love all of the time, and neither is he. In a lot of ways we were like the two magnets that seemed to repel each other. He would try, then fail. I would try, then fail.
I just wanted to be clear of my intentions for writing this blog.
Truthfully, this is mostly about me having an outlet in this grieving process.
I was thinking a lot about the last post, the first in the series about my dad. I was thinking about what I wrote. I don't regret what I wrote. I wrote truth.
I want to be clear about my intentions in writing this series. I want to be clear for you the reader, and for me as I write.
1. I do not, by any means, want this to be a blog bashing my dad. Though my dad made poor choices, as we all do, he was still my dad.
2. Though I don't have many good memories with my dad, I do have a few.*
*When we spent the summer in TX after I finished the 7th grade, my dad got my sister and I summer passes to Splashtown, so we could go to the water park while he was at work.
*When I didn't have school, I would sometimes go to work with my dad, he let me sweep up the sawdust from the tools.
*My dad always let me raid his ashtray full of change.
*My dad loved Nascar, he would fall asleep watching any race, I would try to change the channel... he would INSTANTLY wake up, insist that he was listening to the race, and would make me change it back.
*My dad took us camping and tubing down the river any chance he got.
3. The stories that I tell, and the journey that I am sharing is my own. My sisters have had completely different experiences with my dad. We each had individual relationships, that look and feel different for each of us.
4. It isn't that my dad didn't try to have a relationship with me, he did. He tried, as best as he knew how. I know that I am not an easy person to love all of the time, and neither is he. In a lot of ways we were like the two magnets that seemed to repel each other. He would try, then fail. I would try, then fail.
I just wanted to be clear of my intentions for writing this blog.
Truthfully, this is mostly about me having an outlet in this grieving process.
I know some of the readers of this blog really well.
Others, I know fairly well.
Some, friends of friends.
Some of you, stumbled upon this blog by complete accident.
This post is to serve as a bit of "catch-up" for those of you who don't know my story. Especially the parts of my story that include my dad.
My dad.
I type that and I sigh. A big breathy sigh that hurts and feels good at the same time.
I am the youngest of three girls. I was named after the Boston song, Amanda.
My mom and dad got married when they were just 18 and 19 years old. At my age, my mom already had 3 kids. We lived in San Diego until I was in the 1st grade, moved to Lakeport, CA until I was finished with the 2nd grade, and then moved to Texas.
My mom and dad separated when I was in the 3rd grade but didn't divorce until I was in the 6th grade. The years in between proved to be a full blown roller coaster ride.
When my parents divorced, my mom, sister Patti, and I moved from Texas back to San Diego. My dad and I were never close, as there was already so much tension and hurt, pain, and anger in the house.
My dad and I only drifted further and further apart as the years went on.
My dad remarried shortly after he and my mom divorced; I found out about the new marriage by looking at the calendar and seeing "anniversary" written on it. My dad continually chose other people and things over his children, over me.
My dad rarely made an appearance at a show choir performance, he missed my 8th grade graduation speech, he didn't stay at my high school graduation long enough to take a picture, he never visited me at any of my 7 colleges, he bought me tires instead of coming to my college graduation. He said he would call and didn't. He sent IOU's in birthday and holiday cards. We grew further and further apart.
Most recently, I came to the realization, after A LOT of counseling, that my dad was somewhat poisonous in my life. When my dad did my a rare appearance, I struggled with fear, anxiety, and panic. My counselor, and a number of friends, helped me to sort through my feelings and emotions when it came to my dad. I came to the conclusion that it was up to me if I wanted him in my life. In making that decision, I had to decide whether or not I would let my dad hurt me any more.
Deciding whether or not you want your dad in your life is not an easy decision. It isn't like breaking up with a boyfriend, deciding that you no longer want to be friends with someone... it is a painful decision.
My dad called me about 2 months ago, telling me that he would be coming out to San Diego to visit his mom, my grandma, who just had open heart surgery. He said that he would like to see me and work on having a relationship. I said OK. I told him to call me when he got to town so we could discuss it. He never called.
He was supposed to leave town on Friday, November 20th.
Everything changed on Thursday, November 19th.
Others, I know fairly well.
Some, friends of friends.
Some of you, stumbled upon this blog by complete accident.
This post is to serve as a bit of "catch-up" for those of you who don't know my story. Especially the parts of my story that include my dad.
My dad.
I type that and I sigh. A big breathy sigh that hurts and feels good at the same time.
I am the youngest of three girls. I was named after the Boston song, Amanda.
My mom and dad got married when they were just 18 and 19 years old. At my age, my mom already had 3 kids. We lived in San Diego until I was in the 1st grade, moved to Lakeport, CA until I was finished with the 2nd grade, and then moved to Texas.
My mom and dad separated when I was in the 3rd grade but didn't divorce until I was in the 6th grade. The years in between proved to be a full blown roller coaster ride.
When my parents divorced, my mom, sister Patti, and I moved from Texas back to San Diego. My dad and I were never close, as there was already so much tension and hurt, pain, and anger in the house.
My dad and I only drifted further and further apart as the years went on.
My dad remarried shortly after he and my mom divorced; I found out about the new marriage by looking at the calendar and seeing "anniversary" written on it. My dad continually chose other people and things over his children, over me.
My dad rarely made an appearance at a show choir performance, he missed my 8th grade graduation speech, he didn't stay at my high school graduation long enough to take a picture, he never visited me at any of my 7 colleges, he bought me tires instead of coming to my college graduation. He said he would call and didn't. He sent IOU's in birthday and holiday cards. We grew further and further apart.
Most recently, I came to the realization, after A LOT of counseling, that my dad was somewhat poisonous in my life. When my dad did my a rare appearance, I struggled with fear, anxiety, and panic. My counselor, and a number of friends, helped me to sort through my feelings and emotions when it came to my dad. I came to the conclusion that it was up to me if I wanted him in my life. In making that decision, I had to decide whether or not I would let my dad hurt me any more.
Deciding whether or not you want your dad in your life is not an easy decision. It isn't like breaking up with a boyfriend, deciding that you no longer want to be friends with someone... it is a painful decision.
My dad called me about 2 months ago, telling me that he would be coming out to San Diego to visit his mom, my grandma, who just had open heart surgery. He said that he would like to see me and work on having a relationship. I said OK. I told him to call me when he got to town so we could discuss it. He never called.
He was supposed to leave town on Friday, November 20th.
Everything changed on Thursday, November 19th.
See you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of latter to the sky
Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why
Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart
I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day
A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away
But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And I'm running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you
I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Madly in Love With You by Sean McConnell
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of latter to the sky
Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why
Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart
I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day
A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away
But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And I'm running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you
I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Madly in Love With You by Sean McConnell
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
kind of.
Not really.
I have a lot of words.
Some good, some not so good.
There is a lot going on.
Mourning of a whole new kind. Mourning of an old kind brought back up. The feeling of being judged by those who pride themselves in loving unconditionally. The knowledge of letting people that you love down.
These days, I find myself not saying much.
I will talk soon.
I will write soon.
It takes time.
Not really.
I have a lot of words.
Some good, some not so good.
There is a lot going on.
Mourning of a whole new kind. Mourning of an old kind brought back up. The feeling of being judged by those who pride themselves in loving unconditionally. The knowledge of letting people that you love down.
These days, I find myself not saying much.
I will talk soon.
I will write soon.
It takes time.
I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on
Yeah
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on
Yeah
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad
Saturday, 14 November 2009
I need YOUR help.
Last year, I got a GREAT response to my Christmas Card.
Everyone loved it.
Only problem is, I feel pressure now.
Not a bad kind of pressure... a good kind of pressure to continue to bring joy.
I have my photo shoot set, but I am lacking ideas.
We are heading up to Julian for the pictures.
Here are some of the pics from last year...
What should I do this year?!?!
HELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!
If I use your idea, you may just get something sweet in the mail (more than the card itself!!!)
Last year, I got a GREAT response to my Christmas Card.
Everyone loved it.
Only problem is, I feel pressure now.
Not a bad kind of pressure... a good kind of pressure to continue to bring joy.
I have my photo shoot set, but I am lacking ideas.
We are heading up to Julian for the pictures.
Here are some of the pics from last year...
What should I do this year?!?!
HELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!
If I use your idea, you may just get something sweet in the mail (more than the card itself!!!)
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Saturday, 7 November 2009
As most of you know, Little Kate McRae has a brain tumor. Kate's parents recently shared their heart and vision for Christmas this year. They are unsure if Kate will be hospitalized on Christmas (and Kate’s birthday, which is the 26th) and are working through the details of the day. However, they have really felt it on their hearts to bless the kids at the hospital that they have gotten to know. Despite such dark times, the McRae family still seeks Christ and desires to bless everyone around them. So amazing!
In a recent post on http://www.prayforkate.com , Holly wrote:
“…the reality is, there will be families up here, on the oncology floor, away from the traditions, their immediate families and extended families, fighting for the lives of their children. Some their resources spent to get their children treatment. Others deciding which children to spend Christmas with. Others wondering if this will be their last Christmas together. The thought never ceases to bring me to tears. And so we thought we could ask Kate’s amazing followers to help us try and make it a special day for these kids. We are going to ask for people to send donations for kids of all ages and around Christmas we will distribute the gifts to the families from all of you! We want these kids to know they are loved, thought of and treasured. I wish fun gifts could take away a diagnosis, bring families back together, bring total healing. We obviously know it can’t. However, we can bring smiles where they may be lacking. And bring a glimmer of hope on very dark days.”
Sooo…LET’S DO IT! I’m not sure who all of you readers are, but I know that there are at least 100 of you! If we all sent one gift or volunteered our time, imagine the impact we could have on these sweet children’s lives!
HERE’S HOW YOU CAN HELP…
Post a comment to this post by November 28th. I will forward the list of names to Holly since I’m inticipating her inbox being full from her post.
You can either send gifts, money or volunteer your time. I know many of you are states away, but you can still help!
Thank you for helping with PROJECT CHRISTMAS and for blessing the lives of some very sick little ones! Can’t wait to hear how you can help!
Top Ten Reasons why Swine Flu SUCKS...
10. People treat you like you have the plague.
9. You feel like crap.
8. You can't work. (I suppose this only counts if you actually like your job.)
7. Most of the shows on DayTime TV are terrible.
6. Your nose gets raw from wiping it so much.
5. You can't have people visit you, like with other sicknesses.
4. It doesn't go away as soon as one would hope.
3. Your bed, however comfortable it is, will start to be overrated.
2. You can't leave your house.
1. YOU MISS A DEAR FRIENDS WEDDING!!!!!
F the Swine Flu.
Right now, Emily is no longer a Keirstead!
She is Mrs. Eric Turner.
I should be there.
Instead, I have a credit with Southwest Airlines and a really cute outfit waiting to be worn.
More than both of those things, I missed out on a very special day.
I didn't get to see Emily walk down the aisle.
I didn't get to see the look on Eric's face as he watched Emily walk towards him.
I didn't get to hear the vows that they exchanged, promising faith, hope, and love.
I didn't get to cheer for the first kiss.
I didn't get to snap way more pictures than necessary of all of that.
I didn't get to have breakfast for dinner... which I was REALLY looking forward to. A first at a wedding for me.
I didn't get to dance the night away.
F the swine flu.
All I have to say is I better get better, cause I WILL NOT miss Kelli and Sam's wedding on November 15th.
10. People treat you like you have the plague.
9. You feel like crap.
8. You can't work. (I suppose this only counts if you actually like your job.)
7. Most of the shows on DayTime TV are terrible.
6. Your nose gets raw from wiping it so much.
5. You can't have people visit you, like with other sicknesses.
4. It doesn't go away as soon as one would hope.
3. Your bed, however comfortable it is, will start to be overrated.
2. You can't leave your house.
1. YOU MISS A DEAR FRIENDS WEDDING!!!!!
F the Swine Flu.
Right now, Emily is no longer a Keirstead!
She is Mrs. Eric Turner.
I should be there.
Instead, I have a credit with Southwest Airlines and a really cute outfit waiting to be worn.
More than both of those things, I missed out on a very special day.
I didn't get to see Emily walk down the aisle.
I didn't get to see the look on Eric's face as he watched Emily walk towards him.
I didn't get to hear the vows that they exchanged, promising faith, hope, and love.
I didn't get to cheer for the first kiss.
I didn't get to snap way more pictures than necessary of all of that.
I didn't get to have breakfast for dinner... which I was REALLY looking forward to. A first at a wedding for me.
I didn't get to dance the night away.
F the swine flu.
All I have to say is I better get better, cause I WILL NOT miss Kelli and Sam's wedding on November 15th.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
My dear friend, Jeff Gokee, is taking a trip to India in February of 2010 to lead a conference of pastors. Jeff is a man of great faith. Jeff is a wonderful friend, an amazing father, an unbelievable pastor, a gifted communicator, and a loyal husband. Jeff is going to be a blessing to these pastors in Inida.
Here is where you come in.
It only costs twenty US Dollars to get the pastors there. $20.
That is less than a week of your Starbucks/Chipotle/Fro-Yo fix.
Would you consider joining with us? $20!
Here is all of the info...
Let's come together to not only meet the goal, but surpass it...
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Here is where you come in.
It only costs twenty US Dollars to get the pastors there. $20.
That is less than a week of your Starbucks/Chipotle/Fro-Yo fix.
Would you consider joining with us? $20!
Here is all of the info...
Let's come together to not only meet the goal, but surpass it...
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
What are you doing on Thanksgiving?
Every year, the whole family gets together at my grandma and grandpa's house for Thanksgiving. The house is packed, there is more food than any of us could even think of eating, and it is loud. I love it.
This Thanksgiving will be different.
BEFORE we head to Grandma and Grandpa's I am going to do the Father Joe's Thanksgiving Day 5k.
Wanna join?
If 15 people join me, I will wear my Chicken costume...
Every year, the whole family gets together at my grandma and grandpa's house for Thanksgiving. The house is packed, there is more food than any of us could even think of eating, and it is loud. I love it.
This Thanksgiving will be different.
BEFORE we head to Grandma and Grandpa's I am going to do the Father Joe's Thanksgiving Day 5k.
Wanna join?
If 15 people join me, I will wear my Chicken costume...
Monday, 2 November 2009
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Sunday, 25 October 2009
You will notice me
I'll be leavin' my mark, like initials carved in an old oak tree
you wait and see
maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
maybe I'll paint like Van Gough,
cure the common cold
i don't know but I'm ready to start cuz i know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do somethin better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothin less that something that says i was here
I will prove you wrong
if you think im all talk, your in for a shock
cuz this streams too strong, and before too long
maybe i'll compose symphonies
maybe i'll fight for world peace
cuz i know it's my destiny to leave more that a trace of myself in this
place
And i know that i, i will do more than just pass through this life
i'll leave nothin less that somethin that says i was here, i was here, i
was here, i was here
Wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here
wanna do somethin that matters
somethin that says i was here, i was here
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
I relate to sports analogies.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about being on the receiving end of another "I just want to be your friend" conversation. He listened to me rant for a little bit then gave some good insight.
He told me that I am the girl that every guy wants in his starting line-up.
It made me think. Of course every guy wants me in his starting line-up. I am fun, easy-going, love sports, love to laugh, am fairly simple, and am funny. As I have been told, I am a "catch."
So, alas, I am the girl that every guy wants on his bench, in his starting line-up.
The reality is.... I can't sing, "Put Me In Coach" enough. My uniform is starched and ready to go.
Trust me, I know that the grass is always greener. I get it.
But that doesn't change the fact that I am getting a little sick of sitting the bench.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about being on the receiving end of another "I just want to be your friend" conversation. He listened to me rant for a little bit then gave some good insight.
He told me that I am the girl that every guy wants in his starting line-up.
It made me think. Of course every guy wants me in his starting line-up. I am fun, easy-going, love sports, love to laugh, am fairly simple, and am funny. As I have been told, I am a "catch."
So, alas, I am the girl that every guy wants on his bench, in his starting line-up.
The reality is.... I can't sing, "Put Me In Coach" enough. My uniform is starched and ready to go.
Trust me, I know that the grass is always greener. I get it.
But that doesn't change the fact that I am getting a little sick of sitting the bench.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
I am somewhat of a bookworm.
In fact, a big bookworm.
There are three books that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get. Alas, I shouldn't spend money on more books. Boo Hiss.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY want my crush's new book... A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I also want Francis Chan's new book, Forgotten God.
And, Rob Bell's new book, Drops Like Stars.
If only I have a sweet little gift card to Amazon or Borders or Barnes and Noble.
In fact, a big bookworm.
There are three books that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get. Alas, I shouldn't spend money on more books. Boo Hiss.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY want my crush's new book... A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I also want Francis Chan's new book, Forgotten God.
And, Rob Bell's new book, Drops Like Stars.
If only I have a sweet little gift card to Amazon or Borders or Barnes and Noble.
Monday, 21 September 2009
I'm a one way express train
Get on or get off and stay off
I'm 'a need me a strong man who knows what he wants
I don't want none of your tongue tied indecision
So let me give you just one helpful piece of wisdom
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If ya don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
I've been patiently waitin
For you to finally mean it
And you might really want me
But I sure haven't seen it
Don't ya go and think that I'm gonna try and read your mind
If you wanna stick around
Well it's high time to make your move
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If you don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
Well I'm done waitin by the phone
Hopin you will call
And I'm done tellin myself that I'm not hurt at all
And I'm done being your plan B while you're waitin for plan A to come around
You're done holding on to my heart
This is the part where you finally start to
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If you don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
Thank you Natalie Closner! :)
Get on or get off and stay off
I'm 'a need me a strong man who knows what he wants
I don't want none of your tongue tied indecision
So let me give you just one helpful piece of wisdom
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If ya don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
I've been patiently waitin
For you to finally mean it
And you might really want me
But I sure haven't seen it
Don't ya go and think that I'm gonna try and read your mind
If you wanna stick around
Well it's high time to make your move
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If you don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
Well I'm done waitin by the phone
Hopin you will call
And I'm done tellin myself that I'm not hurt at all
And I'm done being your plan B while you're waitin for plan A to come around
You're done holding on to my heart
This is the part where you finally start to
Man up or back down
Don't hang around when you're not sure
If you're gonna stay or run
Oh honey this has been fun
But I think we're done
I don't have time to wait around and see
If you don't know then you're not right for me
This train's heading out of town
So man up, or back down
Thank you Natalie Closner! :)
Saturday, 19 September 2009
I care about what you think of me.
I might not even know you, but I care.
I am addicted to the approval of others. I am constantly questioning whether or not I am smart enough, skinny enough, funny enough, pretty enough, qualified enough... _____ enough. Some days are better than others, but I struggle everyday.
This makes life hard sometimes. When I feel like I am not _____ enough, I often want to run and hide. I abandon the person, people, place that I fear sees me as not _____ enough. It sucks.
It really sucks.
And, it makes it hard to be in community.
The fear sneaks in, and I want to run.
It takes all that is in me to stick around and wait for the verdict, and continue living my life, regardless of the outcome. The reality is... NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE ALL OF ME. Hello, I certainly don't like everything about everyone that I come into contact with.
Life is just hard.
I think we get stuck in this mentality that if only I were _____er life would be easier. If only I was dating ____ life would be easier. If only I made _____ more money each month...
We live in the shadows of what if, if only, and maybe statements.
Lets give to the wind our fears, stop living under these glass ceilings, and live life abundantly.
Easier said than done, I know... but let's try! :)
I might not even know you, but I care.
I am addicted to the approval of others. I am constantly questioning whether or not I am smart enough, skinny enough, funny enough, pretty enough, qualified enough... _____ enough. Some days are better than others, but I struggle everyday.
This makes life hard sometimes. When I feel like I am not _____ enough, I often want to run and hide. I abandon the person, people, place that I fear sees me as not _____ enough. It sucks.
It really sucks.
And, it makes it hard to be in community.
The fear sneaks in, and I want to run.
It takes all that is in me to stick around and wait for the verdict, and continue living my life, regardless of the outcome. The reality is... NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE ALL OF ME. Hello, I certainly don't like everything about everyone that I come into contact with.
Life is just hard.
I think we get stuck in this mentality that if only I were _____er life would be easier. If only I was dating ____ life would be easier. If only I made _____ more money each month...
We live in the shadows of what if, if only, and maybe statements.
Lets give to the wind our fears, stop living under these glass ceilings, and live life abundantly.
Easier said than done, I know... but let's try! :)
I listen to Pandora whenever I am at my desk at work. Some days, it does me good. Other days, I am disappointed. Recently, Pandora has been pulling out all of the stops to make me smile, laugh, take a walk down memory lane, and even shed a few tears.
It wasn't until Pandora played a few songs from John Mayer's Room for Squares that I remembered how much I love that album.
Recently, I had diarrhea of the mouth. I opened my mouth when I shouldn't have. My stupid mouth... That same day, John Mayer's song came on. I laughed and cried at the irony of the situation.
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find what soon
We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what JUST slipped out and what went wrong
Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now
One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire
Do you ever feel like this song can be your theme song? Or, is it just me?
It wasn't until Pandora played a few songs from John Mayer's Room for Squares that I remembered how much I love that album.
Recently, I had diarrhea of the mouth. I opened my mouth when I shouldn't have. My stupid mouth... That same day, John Mayer's song came on. I laughed and cried at the irony of the situation.
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find what soon
We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what JUST slipped out and what went wrong
Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now
One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire
Do you ever feel like this song can be your theme song? Or, is it just me?
I do!
When I returned from Arizona, abruptly, I had no idea what I would do for a job. By the grace of God, I got a job that taught me a lot about myself, all while being able to pay my bills. I learned what I do and don't want to do. I learned the kind of person I do and don't want to be. I realized that I probably never want to own a business, at least not if it is anything like what I saw. I just learned and grew a ton. I was in that job for 9 months, which was just long enough for both my employer and myself to know that I was miserable there. I left on good terms, it just wasn't a right fit.
I love my job now. It is SO SO SO different than anything I ever thought that I would be doing. I generally run and hide from pre-school age children. They just aren't my favorite. In fact, I would much rather deal with High School students. Having all that been said, I am surprised everyday with how much I enjoy my job.
I love the hours. I love the community that we are serving. I love that I get to speak Spanish everyday. I love the people that I work with, most of them being women my mother's age. :)
I just love it.
I don't dread going to work. I have energy when I get home, even if it is a 10 hour day.
It is a nice change.
I have been working in this job for 3 months now, and couldn't be happier! :)
I still get the itch to work in the music industry whenever I am at a show or am talking to someone on tour. I have not let that dream go. I am not pursuing it, but I haven't let it go. Maybe it will just look differently than I had originally anticipated...
We shall see!
I hope you love what you do.
When I returned from Arizona, abruptly, I had no idea what I would do for a job. By the grace of God, I got a job that taught me a lot about myself, all while being able to pay my bills. I learned what I do and don't want to do. I learned the kind of person I do and don't want to be. I realized that I probably never want to own a business, at least not if it is anything like what I saw. I just learned and grew a ton. I was in that job for 9 months, which was just long enough for both my employer and myself to know that I was miserable there. I left on good terms, it just wasn't a right fit.
I love my job now. It is SO SO SO different than anything I ever thought that I would be doing. I generally run and hide from pre-school age children. They just aren't my favorite. In fact, I would much rather deal with High School students. Having all that been said, I am surprised everyday with how much I enjoy my job.
I love the hours. I love the community that we are serving. I love that I get to speak Spanish everyday. I love the people that I work with, most of them being women my mother's age. :)
I just love it.
I don't dread going to work. I have energy when I get home, even if it is a 10 hour day.
It is a nice change.
I have been working in this job for 3 months now, and couldn't be happier! :)
I still get the itch to work in the music industry whenever I am at a show or am talking to someone on tour. I have not let that dream go. I am not pursuing it, but I haven't let it go. Maybe it will just look differently than I had originally anticipated...
We shall see!
I hope you love what you do.
I am FINALLY taking my inaugural trip to Las Vegas!
I have driven through Las Vegas numerous times on the way to Utah or Colorado on the annual Young Life Ride Utah trip. We even stopped there for lunch on our way home from our Colorado-San Diego Spring Break Adventure a few years ago. So, though I have been there for 4 hour increments, I equate that to being in the airport for a lay-over... it doesn't count! :)
My sister and brother-in-law, along with my sweet nephew, are going in December with one of their best friends, to celebrate Jon's birthday, New Years, and just hang out with Jason is back in the states. They invited me. Well, I kind of invited myself, but then they invited me. :)
So, we will be there December 26-January 3rd.
I am so excited...
VIVA LAS VEGAS
I have driven through Las Vegas numerous times on the way to Utah or Colorado on the annual Young Life Ride Utah trip. We even stopped there for lunch on our way home from our Colorado-San Diego Spring Break Adventure a few years ago. So, though I have been there for 4 hour increments, I equate that to being in the airport for a lay-over... it doesn't count! :)
My sister and brother-in-law, along with my sweet nephew, are going in December with one of their best friends, to celebrate Jon's birthday, New Years, and just hang out with Jason is back in the states. They invited me. Well, I kind of invited myself, but then they invited me. :)
So, we will be there December 26-January 3rd.
I am so excited...
VIVA LAS VEGAS
Not Quite, but close.
As we all know, I have been IN and TO my fair share of weddings. This year was on the light side with just 7 weddings. As I say that, I feel sick. 7 weddings?! That is A LOT.
The past few weekends have been full of fun, excitement, travel, and bridal showers. :)
Dearest Kel...
Two weeks ago, we celebrated Kelli and Sam, by showering Kelli with love by giving her things that she asked for and by eating waffles. :) Kelli is one of the most talented people I know, hands down. Her eye for fashion design, graphics, and art is impeccable. More than being a brilliant artist, Kelli is a loyal friend. She has one of the most kind and caring hearts. She is a blessing to all of us who get to have her in our lives. Kelli is marrying an incredible man named Sam. Sam has a gentle demeanor about him, along with a quiet strength. Kelli and Sam are fit so well and are better together. Sam loves Kelli in a way that is inspiring and humbling to witness. I am so excited for Kelli and Sam, and their tying of the knot in November. (PS... Kelli is the one that gave me the nickname Manders) :)
Sweet Sweet Ems...
Today, we showered sweet Emily with love and gifts that she picked out, and even ones that she didn't but that Eric will be pleased with. :) Like Kelli, Emily has a kind heart. Emily is one of those people that you can tell anything to. Our friendship has had it's fair share of ups and downs, but has only been made stronger by those ups and downs. Also like Kelli, Emily is loyal. Emily is marrying a great guy named Eric. It has been a joy to journey with Emily as she and Eric went from being friends to dating to engaged. Eric loves Emily and pursues Emily the way her soul needs to be loved and pursued.
I love these two ladies, and I am a big fan of the men that had put a ring on it.
So, November 7th, we will be eating breakfast for dinner and dancing all night as we celebrate Emily and Eric tying the knot.
Then...
November 15th, we will take in the splendor and beauty of a vintage, elegant, artistic, and super fun wedding as we join Kelli and Sam in celebrating their wedding day.
Here's to wedding season 2009, part deuce.
As we all know, I have been IN and TO my fair share of weddings. This year was on the light side with just 7 weddings. As I say that, I feel sick. 7 weddings?! That is A LOT.
The past few weekends have been full of fun, excitement, travel, and bridal showers. :)
Dearest Kel...
Two weeks ago, we celebrated Kelli and Sam, by showering Kelli with love by giving her things that she asked for and by eating waffles. :) Kelli is one of the most talented people I know, hands down. Her eye for fashion design, graphics, and art is impeccable. More than being a brilliant artist, Kelli is a loyal friend. She has one of the most kind and caring hearts. She is a blessing to all of us who get to have her in our lives. Kelli is marrying an incredible man named Sam. Sam has a gentle demeanor about him, along with a quiet strength. Kelli and Sam are fit so well and are better together. Sam loves Kelli in a way that is inspiring and humbling to witness. I am so excited for Kelli and Sam, and their tying of the knot in November. (PS... Kelli is the one that gave me the nickname Manders) :)
Sweet Sweet Ems...
Today, we showered sweet Emily with love and gifts that she picked out, and even ones that she didn't but that Eric will be pleased with. :) Like Kelli, Emily has a kind heart. Emily is one of those people that you can tell anything to. Our friendship has had it's fair share of ups and downs, but has only been made stronger by those ups and downs. Also like Kelli, Emily is loyal. Emily is marrying a great guy named Eric. It has been a joy to journey with Emily as she and Eric went from being friends to dating to engaged. Eric loves Emily and pursues Emily the way her soul needs to be loved and pursued.
I love these two ladies, and I am a big fan of the men that had put a ring on it.
So, November 7th, we will be eating breakfast for dinner and dancing all night as we celebrate Emily and Eric tying the knot.
Then...
November 15th, we will take in the splendor and beauty of a vintage, elegant, artistic, and super fun wedding as we join Kelli and Sam in celebrating their wedding day.
Here's to wedding season 2009, part deuce.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
I have a lot to blog about... just not very much time to sit down and gather my thoughts.
I have started a few blogs, just need to finish them up and post them.
Here is what is to come...
1. A few blogs on sitting the bench
2. My Stupid Mouth is more than a catchy title to a John Mayer song
3. Fear and running
4. The kind of friends that you REALLY tell EVERYTHING to...
5. Importance of community
6. My job
7. Quarter-Life-Crisis
8. Vegas
9. Wedding Season 2009... Part 2
10. Ellen Show
I know, it's a lot.
I promise to post soon. :)
And, to whoever googles my name to find this blog, I would like to know who you are. :)
I have started a few blogs, just need to finish them up and post them.
Here is what is to come...
1. A few blogs on sitting the bench
2. My Stupid Mouth is more than a catchy title to a John Mayer song
3. Fear and running
4. The kind of friends that you REALLY tell EVERYTHING to...
5. Importance of community
6. My job
7. Quarter-Life-Crisis
8. Vegas
9. Wedding Season 2009... Part 2
10. Ellen Show
I know, it's a lot.
I promise to post soon. :)
And, to whoever googles my name to find this blog, I would like to know who you are. :)
Monday, 7 September 2009
Thursday, 3 September 2009
My crush on Donald Miller is no secret.
He has a new book coming out called, A Million Miles in A Thousand Years.
Here are the first 30 pages...
A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller
He has a new book coming out called, A Million Miles in A Thousand Years.
Here are the first 30 pages...
A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller
Thursday, 27 August 2009
I have been in somewhat of a music rut recently.
I have over 4,000 songs, yet I still can't find something to listen to some days. Keep in mind, there are even songs that have NEVER been played in my iTunes. HELLOOO there is so much that I could listen to.
Well, I decided to take a gander at my 25 most played songs.
EMBARRASSED.
Here they are, in all their glory! (I have even included the play amount... sad)
1. If I Were A Boy, Beyonce, 247
2. Don't, Kelly Clarkson, 207
3. Knees to the Earth, Watermark, 169
4. You'll Come, Hillsong, 147
5. Without You, Brooke Fraser, 145
6. White Horse, Taylor Swift, 135
7. You're Not Alone, Meredith Andrews, 132
8. Desert Song, Hillsong, 119
9. Fallin' For You, Colbie Caillat, 108
10. Rehab, Rihanna, 103
11. Leavin', Jesse McCartney, 101
12. Distrubia, Rihanna, 101
13. Can't Take My Eyes Off You, Lady Antebellum, 89
14. To Make You Feel My Love, Kris Allen, 86
15. Early, Natalie Closner, 85
16. I Will Exalt You, Hillsong, 84
17. Keep Faith, Matt Wertz, 84
18. Human Nature, Matt Giraud, 83
19. Night Minds, Missy Higgins, 78
20. I Can't Make You Love Me, Allison Iraheta, 74
21. I Run To You, Lady Antebellum, 73
22. Forever, Rascal Flatts, 72
23. Here Comes Goodbye, Rascal Flatts, 72
24. A Daily AntheM, David Cook, 70
25. Long Distance, Brandy, 69
I will be honest, I am surprised about a few things.
1. There is NO Michael Jackson or Stevie Wonder on that list.
2. There is only ONE Matt Wertz song, and it isn't even my favorite.
3. Hanson got NO love on that list.
I have to remember, this computer is only a year and half old... which was AFTER the, let's listen to Stevie Wonder EVERYDAY in the office phase. :) It also came after Matt Wertz dance parties in the dorm room.
There is so much this iTunes doesn't know about me. :)
I have over 4,000 songs, yet I still can't find something to listen to some days. Keep in mind, there are even songs that have NEVER been played in my iTunes. HELLOOO there is so much that I could listen to.
Well, I decided to take a gander at my 25 most played songs.
EMBARRASSED.
Here they are, in all their glory! (I have even included the play amount... sad)
1. If I Were A Boy, Beyonce, 247
2. Don't, Kelly Clarkson, 207
3. Knees to the Earth, Watermark, 169
4. You'll Come, Hillsong, 147
5. Without You, Brooke Fraser, 145
6. White Horse, Taylor Swift, 135
7. You're Not Alone, Meredith Andrews, 132
8. Desert Song, Hillsong, 119
9. Fallin' For You, Colbie Caillat, 108
10. Rehab, Rihanna, 103
11. Leavin', Jesse McCartney, 101
12. Distrubia, Rihanna, 101
13. Can't Take My Eyes Off You, Lady Antebellum, 89
14. To Make You Feel My Love, Kris Allen, 86
15. Early, Natalie Closner, 85
16. I Will Exalt You, Hillsong, 84
17. Keep Faith, Matt Wertz, 84
18. Human Nature, Matt Giraud, 83
19. Night Minds, Missy Higgins, 78
20. I Can't Make You Love Me, Allison Iraheta, 74
21. I Run To You, Lady Antebellum, 73
22. Forever, Rascal Flatts, 72
23. Here Comes Goodbye, Rascal Flatts, 72
24. A Daily AntheM, David Cook, 70
25. Long Distance, Brandy, 69
I will be honest, I am surprised about a few things.
1. There is NO Michael Jackson or Stevie Wonder on that list.
2. There is only ONE Matt Wertz song, and it isn't even my favorite.
3. Hanson got NO love on that list.
I have to remember, this computer is only a year and half old... which was AFTER the, let's listen to Stevie Wonder EVERYDAY in the office phase. :) It also came after Matt Wertz dance parties in the dorm room.
There is so much this iTunes doesn't know about me. :)
Sunday, 23 August 2009
I am totally guilty of wasting water sometimes.
Specifically, when I read shampoo bottles in the shower.
One of the many, and I will admit most ridiculous, reasons that I LOVE taking a trip to Jen's house in AZ is all of the choices of shower stuff. SO FUN!
Today, I chose to use, and read, Philosophy bottles.
One, in particular, caught my eye.
Falling in Love.
Here is what it says...
philosophy: falling in love doesn't begin with falling in love with others. it begins with falling in love with ourselves. loving ourselves in healthy and as God intended. learn to deeply and fully cherish your heart, your soul, and your body and only then will you understand what it is to truly love another.
Isn't that beautiful?
As well as being beautiful, it is also incredibly hard to do at times. It is so easy for me to love others, to serve others, to pursue my friendships... at times, it isn't so easy for me to love myself.
I think if we were being honest, we would all say that it is hard to love ourselves, especially when we are not necessarily feeling love from the outside.
So, it is a give and take.
A two-way street if you will.
Love yourself. Love others. Love yourself. Love others.
I will add to that...
Love God. Love others. Love yourself. Love God. Love others. Love yourself.
If we work together in this, there will be just love.
I know this is ideal and touchy feely and somewhat of a romanticized point of view, but I am ok with that.
Would you join me on this journey?
Monday, 17 August 2009
Seriously, when I started this blog, I never thought that anyone would read it.
I knew my sister, Kristine would.
I know Rosie and Megan and a few others would, on occasion.
I had NO IDEA that people would read this.
People that I don't know.
People from all over the world.
Here are some of the countries that people have visited the blog from... whether on purpose or on accident, I don't know. :)
Brazil, Canada, United Kingdom, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Australia, India, Germany, Switzerland, Romania, France, South Africa, Peru, South Korea, Indonesia, and 41 of the 50 states in the USA.
What the heck?!?!?
So, I am interested.
Who is reading this post?
Leave a comment with your name and city.
Just a fun little interaction... that is only fun if you participate. :)
Where you at? :)
I knew my sister, Kristine would.
I know Rosie and Megan and a few others would, on occasion.
I had NO IDEA that people would read this.
People that I don't know.
People from all over the world.
Here are some of the countries that people have visited the blog from... whether on purpose or on accident, I don't know. :)
Brazil, Canada, United Kingdom, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Australia, India, Germany, Switzerland, Romania, France, South Africa, Peru, South Korea, Indonesia, and 41 of the 50 states in the USA.
What the heck?!?!?
So, I am interested.
Who is reading this post?
Leave a comment with your name and city.
Just a fun little interaction... that is only fun if you participate. :)
Where you at? :)
My dear friend Deena is a RIDICULOUSLY GOOD Photographer! She is the one who took my blog pictures, duh. :) Ever since Parker was born, Deena has been taking pictures of him. We just had a shoot for his 1 year pictures. I can't believe my sweet little Booger Boo Nephew is going to be 1 on September 1st. Oh crap, it is his Golden Birthday. Tia better get him something good. :) Here are some of my favorite pictures that Deena has taken of Parker...
Deena is available to do pictures and so SOOOOOO reasonably priced! TRUST ME! She is amazing, so easy to work with, and is not nearly as much as some of you pay for mediocre family photos.
I am not kidding... USE HER!!!
photographer_deena@yahoo.com
I miss Ben.
I miss Ben A LOT!
Then again, anyone who knew Ben, misses him.
I miss his smile.
I miss his witty humor and under-the-breath comments that would leave me laughing for hours.
I miss his love for Harry Potter.
I miss having deep and meaningful conversations with him, in which I often had to use a dictionary or thesaurus to keep up with the words he was using. :)
This weekend, I was in Arizona, visiting friends and just breathing.
While there, I saw sweet Kate.
I never thought it would be so hard to see Kate.
Form the moment I saw her, I was a wreck.
The puffy cheeks, the missing hair, the glazed eyes... it was all too familiar and so sad.
I believe that God can heal Kate. I absolutely believe that He can.
But I also know that sometimes God doesn't heal, even when it is our deepest prayer.
When thinking about praying about and for Kate, and so many others, I am constantly being reminded of the story in Daniel of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego... when they were to be put in the fire, they prayed that God would keep them. BUT, they were also prepared for God to NOT keep them.
It is a hard and EXTREMELY prayer to pray...
"God, even if you don't _______________ you're no less God."
I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would perform a miracle on Ben. I prayed that his tumor would go away. I prayed that he would be healed. But, I also prayed that we would continue to have faith and believe, even if He didn't.
I believe that God can heal Kate, but I also know that He might not.
I pray that we would see God as no less or no more, no matter what the outcome.
So, whatever it is that you are on your knees for... REMEMBER, God is no less and no more because of the outcome.
Cancer. Broken marriages. Love lost. Hopeless. Tired. Lonely. Addiction. Whatever it is...
You can keep up with Kate's updates at: http://www.prayforkate.com
Also, Audrey Assad wrote an INCREDIBLE song for sweet Kate.
Check it out...
I miss Ben A LOT!
Then again, anyone who knew Ben, misses him.
I miss his smile.
I miss his witty humor and under-the-breath comments that would leave me laughing for hours.
I miss his love for Harry Potter.
I miss having deep and meaningful conversations with him, in which I often had to use a dictionary or thesaurus to keep up with the words he was using. :)
This weekend, I was in Arizona, visiting friends and just breathing.
While there, I saw sweet Kate.
I never thought it would be so hard to see Kate.
Form the moment I saw her, I was a wreck.
The puffy cheeks, the missing hair, the glazed eyes... it was all too familiar and so sad.
I believe that God can heal Kate. I absolutely believe that He can.
But I also know that sometimes God doesn't heal, even when it is our deepest prayer.
When thinking about praying about and for Kate, and so many others, I am constantly being reminded of the story in Daniel of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego... when they were to be put in the fire, they prayed that God would keep them. BUT, they were also prepared for God to NOT keep them.
It is a hard and EXTREMELY prayer to pray...
"God, even if you don't _______________ you're no less God."
I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would perform a miracle on Ben. I prayed that his tumor would go away. I prayed that he would be healed. But, I also prayed that we would continue to have faith and believe, even if He didn't.
I believe that God can heal Kate, but I also know that He might not.
I pray that we would see God as no less or no more, no matter what the outcome.
So, whatever it is that you are on your knees for... REMEMBER, God is no less and no more because of the outcome.
Cancer. Broken marriages. Love lost. Hopeless. Tired. Lonely. Addiction. Whatever it is...
You can keep up with Kate's updates at: http://www.prayforkate.com
Also, Audrey Assad wrote an INCREDIBLE song for sweet Kate.
Check it out...
That's right... I got a snuggie!
Well, not a snuggie.
A HUDDLER! :)
I love me a cozy blanket, especially one that shows my love for the CHARGERS!
A Chargers Huddler made my heart skip a beat. :)
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!
Not sure that my sweet, and VERY stylish, friends Alex, Megan, Kelli, and Promise would support this... but maybe if I accessorize it up. :)
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Monday, 27 July 2009
I titled this blog "the world is starving for joy" over a year ago when I started putting my senseless thoughts down for whoever wants to read.
There was truth in the title then, and there is truth now.
The world is starving for joy.
My heart is heavy for so many people/situations that are starving for joy...
Cancer diagnoses, Miscarriages, Infertility, Job Loss, Divorce, Love lost, Loneliness, Depression, Anxiety, Homelessness, Broken homes, Abuse, Self hatred...
You know who you are.
I am on my knees for you.
Hold on to hope.
Dust off those feet... JOY lies ahead!
BELIEVE THAT!
There was truth in the title then, and there is truth now.
The world is starving for joy.
My heart is heavy for so many people/situations that are starving for joy...
Cancer diagnoses, Miscarriages, Infertility, Job Loss, Divorce, Love lost, Loneliness, Depression, Anxiety, Homelessness, Broken homes, Abuse, Self hatred...
You know who you are.
I am on my knees for you.
Hold on to hope.
Dust off those feet... JOY lies ahead!
BELIEVE THAT!
A few months ago, my sweet friend Kimberlee West introduced me to Charles Kelley's music.
His album 2 the 9's is so freaking good. TRUST ME!
Shortly after that, I fell in love with Lady Antebellum's album.
It wasn't until tonight that I realized that Charles Kelley is the freaking lead singer of Lady Antebellum!
Makes sense.
His album 2 the 9's is so freaking good. TRUST ME!
Shortly after that, I fell in love with Lady Antebellum's album.
It wasn't until tonight that I realized that Charles Kelley is the freaking lead singer of Lady Antebellum!
Makes sense.
I have been going to Flood for about 2 months, consistently, and it has been so good. I am reconnecting with old friends, making new friends, feeling like I am part of a community that I really enjoy and believe in, and am continually being challenged and filled up. It has been so good.
Last night, the lesson was about hunger, about hungering for the Lord; the lesson was about being filled. The past few weeks there I have sat in wonder and amazement with the biggest smile on my face. I feel full. I don't feel stuck. I am hungry. I have joy. I sit smiling because it feels great to be in a place to truly feel, especially to feel the things that I am feeling.
A little while ago, a great friend asked me what it is that is making me so full these days. It was a great question to be asked. It was fun to think about and reflect on the things that are making me full. One of those things is a study on Esther that I am doing.
About 3 weeks ago, I decided it was time to go purchase a new Study Bible, since mine is in Texas. While I was in the bookstore, I decided to take a look at the Beth Moore studies that were there. Keep in mind, I have 3 Beth Moore studies in my desk that have been started, but have not been completed. Why did I feel I needed to buy a new one?! GOT ME! But, I am glad I did.
Esther. I don't know crap about Esther. Heck, I have a degree in Biblical Studies and can only tell you where Esther is, but not a thing about her. I will be honest, I bought the study because of the subtitle... "It's tough being a woman." Yes, Beth, it is. :)
This study has awakened a hunger in me. I look forward to my time in this study every day. I love the way Beth journeys through a topic or person with you in her studies. This study is no different. I am loving it.
All this to say, I am hungry, and it feels good.
I hope you are hungry too. :)
Last night, the lesson was about hunger, about hungering for the Lord; the lesson was about being filled. The past few weeks there I have sat in wonder and amazement with the biggest smile on my face. I feel full. I don't feel stuck. I am hungry. I have joy. I sit smiling because it feels great to be in a place to truly feel, especially to feel the things that I am feeling.
A little while ago, a great friend asked me what it is that is making me so full these days. It was a great question to be asked. It was fun to think about and reflect on the things that are making me full. One of those things is a study on Esther that I am doing.
About 3 weeks ago, I decided it was time to go purchase a new Study Bible, since mine is in Texas. While I was in the bookstore, I decided to take a look at the Beth Moore studies that were there. Keep in mind, I have 3 Beth Moore studies in my desk that have been started, but have not been completed. Why did I feel I needed to buy a new one?! GOT ME! But, I am glad I did.
Esther. I don't know crap about Esther. Heck, I have a degree in Biblical Studies and can only tell you where Esther is, but not a thing about her. I will be honest, I bought the study because of the subtitle... "It's tough being a woman." Yes, Beth, it is. :)
This study has awakened a hunger in me. I look forward to my time in this study every day. I love the way Beth journeys through a topic or person with you in her studies. This study is no different. I am loving it.
All this to say, I am hungry, and it feels good.
I hope you are hungry too. :)
Once again, Brooke Fraser sings the song of my soul...
Here are the lyrics:
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
You are my God
My hiding place My safe refuge
My treasure Lord You are
My friend and King Anointed One
Most Holy.
Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
I will not fear
Here are the lyrics:
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
You are my God
My hiding place My safe refuge
My treasure Lord You are
My friend and King Anointed One
Most Holy.
Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
I will not fear
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Thursday, 23 July 2009
...and smoke it!
"I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are tellling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition-that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are-even if we tell it only to ourselves-because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the real world will find it more acceptable than the real thing."
-Frederick Buechner
"I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are tellling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition-that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are-even if we tell it only to ourselves-because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the real world will find it more acceptable than the real thing."
-Frederick Buechner
Sunday, 19 July 2009
I have been drafting this post for the past week, never knowing when I should post it. As I sat in church tonight, I just kept smiling, knowing that it was time.
As I said in a previous post, I feel full. I know that I am filled to be emptied again, and I love that. I love that God, even in His infinite wisdom, considers me, ME, worthy enough to be a vessel of hope and love to this world. Pretty crazy.
This week, while going around to different school sites, my heart was broken and heavy. Driving through these neighborhoods, you see poverty, homelessness, sadness, and brokenness of all kinds. When I got out of my car, I saw a man sleeping on the sidewalk of the school under a blanket. My heart just sunk. On any given day I complain about not having my "nice bed." HELLO, at least I have a bed. Hell, at least I have a house to sleep in. My heart was heavy for the community, for the families, for the school, for the students. My heart was broken for something that I KNOW breaks HIS heart.
I have had the amazing privilege and great responsibility to journey with some close friends through some pretty excruciatingly sad times. Divorce, break-ups, miscarriages, unknowns in pregnancies, cancer diagnoses, job loss, love lost, death, disappointment, self-doubt, and unexplainable pain. It hasn't been easy. My heart has been broken and heavy over each of these issues with each person close to me. Again, I know that each one of these situations breaks the heart of the God of the universe.
Most of us have heard the song Hosanna, and many of us have even had the opportunity to sing it out. The lyrics, "break my heart for what breaks Yours," has taken on a whole new life for me these days. It is a scary prayer to pray. When you think about the implications of that prayer, you realize that you are essentially praying for a mess. A holy mess.
I know I'm filled to be emptied again. I believe that I am filled to be emptied to love and encourage and challenge and simply be in the midst of these messes.
Does your heart break for what breaks His?
As I said in a previous post, I feel full. I know that I am filled to be emptied again, and I love that. I love that God, even in His infinite wisdom, considers me, ME, worthy enough to be a vessel of hope and love to this world. Pretty crazy.
This week, while going around to different school sites, my heart was broken and heavy. Driving through these neighborhoods, you see poverty, homelessness, sadness, and brokenness of all kinds. When I got out of my car, I saw a man sleeping on the sidewalk of the school under a blanket. My heart just sunk. On any given day I complain about not having my "nice bed." HELLO, at least I have a bed. Hell, at least I have a house to sleep in. My heart was heavy for the community, for the families, for the school, for the students. My heart was broken for something that I KNOW breaks HIS heart.
I have had the amazing privilege and great responsibility to journey with some close friends through some pretty excruciatingly sad times. Divorce, break-ups, miscarriages, unknowns in pregnancies, cancer diagnoses, job loss, love lost, death, disappointment, self-doubt, and unexplainable pain. It hasn't been easy. My heart has been broken and heavy over each of these issues with each person close to me. Again, I know that each one of these situations breaks the heart of the God of the universe.
Most of us have heard the song Hosanna, and many of us have even had the opportunity to sing it out. The lyrics, "break my heart for what breaks Yours," has taken on a whole new life for me these days. It is a scary prayer to pray. When you think about the implications of that prayer, you realize that you are essentially praying for a mess. A holy mess.
I know I'm filled to be emptied again. I believe that I am filled to be emptied to love and encourage and challenge and simply be in the midst of these messes.
Does your heart break for what breaks His?
I LOVE SUMMER!
Beach days, riding the cruiser, summer concerts, the fair, farmer's markets, balboa park, kayaking, margaritas, weddings, karaoke, summer camp, young life, traveling, laying by the pool, BBQ's... I just LOVE summer.
Here are some of my favorite summer pics, past and present...
Check out Matt Wertz's song, Summer Sun, I love the chorus:
Summer sun, nothin' but time to waste
We were young, both of us taking a chance on love
Under the sun, summer sun
Beach days, riding the cruiser, summer concerts, the fair, farmer's markets, balboa park, kayaking, margaritas, weddings, karaoke, summer camp, young life, traveling, laying by the pool, BBQ's... I just LOVE summer.
Here are some of my favorite summer pics, past and present...
Check out Matt Wertz's song, Summer Sun, I love the chorus:
Summer sun, nothin' but time to waste
We were young, both of us taking a chance on love
Under the sun, summer sun
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