Sunday, 30 June 2013
Saturday, 29 June 2013
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Sometimes it is easy to forget Who is in control and Who holds us.
We are damaged goods.
We feel like we never get picked.
We have been dropped.
We panic.
We feel alone.
We get scared.
We feel weak.
These are all normal feelings.
Life is hard. Some times are harder than others.
Ups and downs are a part of life.
We can't control the ups and downs but we can control how we respond. So, when the ups turn to downs, remember the truths presented in Isaiah 41.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
Monday, 17 June 2013
Thursday, 13 June 2013
If you know me fairly well or have been reading this blog for a good amount of time, you know that I didn't have a stellar relationship with my dad, in fact the relationship was virtually non-existent. My parents started living separately when I was in the first grade, separated when I was in the third grade, divorced when I was in the sixth grade and that was when I stopped seeing my dad on a regular basis. My dad continually chose other things and other people over his family.
He was a sick man, with demons and addictions that run even deeper than what I know. I would like to think that he never intentionally hurt me or my sisters or mom, he was a hurt person hurting people. By no means am I excusing his actions - he made his choices. However I am able to realize, through lots of therapy, that my dad and I are the same in that we are a fallen people who get to make our own choices. Unfortunately, his choices weren't great ones and they have had and will have lasting affects.
Father's Day is this Sunday and days like Mother's Day and Father's Day always bring up a whole mess of emotions for me. To put it plainly, those days suck and are just REAL hard for me. Father's Day is always particularly hard - and so is the week leading up.
I find myself feeling extreme sadness, mild anger, grieving the loss of my father, mourning the loss of what could have been, and a wide range of other feelings and emotions. The reality is, a child should NEVER be abandoned by their parents, whether it is emotionally or physically... or even both. NEVER. I have learned that the abandonment had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the decisions that my father was making, which makes it easier to process but the pain is still real and the wound is still there, scared over but still there.
I am incredibly fortunate to have a step-dad that has been there for the milestones that my dad wasn't. Clyde has been a father-figure in my life since I was a bratty 13 year old - he endured some real bratty years. Beyond that, some of my closest friends have shared their dads with me. Just today, I got an email from my friends dad that made the tears flow like no other. When the days are hard, I have to remind myself of these blessings.
All this to say, I know that Father's Day isn't only hard for me. There are so many people just like me, and with stories far more devastating than mine. As hard as it is, we must choose well in these days leading up to, and the day of Father's Day. Choose joy.
He was a sick man, with demons and addictions that run even deeper than what I know. I would like to think that he never intentionally hurt me or my sisters or mom, he was a hurt person hurting people. By no means am I excusing his actions - he made his choices. However I am able to realize, through lots of therapy, that my dad and I are the same in that we are a fallen people who get to make our own choices. Unfortunately, his choices weren't great ones and they have had and will have lasting affects.
Father's Day is this Sunday and days like Mother's Day and Father's Day always bring up a whole mess of emotions for me. To put it plainly, those days suck and are just REAL hard for me. Father's Day is always particularly hard - and so is the week leading up.
I find myself feeling extreme sadness, mild anger, grieving the loss of my father, mourning the loss of what could have been, and a wide range of other feelings and emotions. The reality is, a child should NEVER be abandoned by their parents, whether it is emotionally or physically... or even both. NEVER. I have learned that the abandonment had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the decisions that my father was making, which makes it easier to process but the pain is still real and the wound is still there, scared over but still there.
I am incredibly fortunate to have a step-dad that has been there for the milestones that my dad wasn't. Clyde has been a father-figure in my life since I was a bratty 13 year old - he endured some real bratty years. Beyond that, some of my closest friends have shared their dads with me. Just today, I got an email from my friends dad that made the tears flow like no other. When the days are hard, I have to remind myself of these blessings.
All this to say, I know that Father's Day isn't only hard for me. There are so many people just like me, and with stories far more devastating than mine. As hard as it is, we must choose well in these days leading up to, and the day of Father's Day. Choose joy.
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Katelynn first shared Lee Brice's Hard to Love with me a long while ago. From the first listen, I was hooked. The tune is catchy and the lyrics are real good. If you haven't heard it, or are one of those people who doesn't pay attention to lyrics, here are the lyrics to the chorus...
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
No, I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
You say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
No, I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
You say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.
These feelings that I am about to put out there are hard to articulate and are even harder to put out there for others to see. The reality is, anyone close to me already knows this about me so it's not like I am sharing some secret; I am hard to love. Some have been brave enough to tell me that I am hard to love - I have listened to some and have been too proud and too stubborn to listen to others. I am very fortunate to have some really amazing people in my life who have stepped in when others have stepped out. Those people have taught me so much about giving and receiving love. Those people have also told me, over and over again, that relationships are work and are incredibly revealing about yourself. They are right about both.
In the 6 months that I have shared my life with Nate, I have learned so much about myself... some great things and some not-so-great things. The most humbling lesson has been that I can be hard to love. I am VERY BLESSED to be with someone who is patient and kind and speaks truth even when it is probably really hard to do so. He has never told me that I am hard to love - he probably knows that would hurt to hear, but as we have been on this journey, I have learned that about myself.
I am moody. I can be insensitive. I am selfish. The list can go on and on and I am NOT proud of this. There will be seasons when it is hard to love. There will be days when it is hard to love. There will be moments when it is hard to love. I believe it is the nature of loving a human - we go through seasons of life. BUT, I don't ever want to use those moments, days, or seasons as an excuse. I want it to be easy to love me.
So, sometimes I am hard to love, but I get to make the choice whether or not to stay that way.
Friday, 7 June 2013
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Monday, 3 June 2013
Saturday, 1 June 2013
Wow.
Wow.
Wow!
WOW!!
WOW!!!
If you get the opportunity to see Imagine Dragons live - DO IT! From the moment these guys took the stage, I was in awe. I looked over at Nate, just a few moments in and said. "I'm a fan!" The whole show, start to finish, was SO GOOD!
These guys are currently on a world tour that is SOLD OUT... so getting your hands on a ticket is no easy task - but if you can, don't hesitate!
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