I think I am a runner?

Amanda.

A runner?

It feels so weird to even think that I may turn out to be one of those people that enjoys running. I remember the first time (in my adult life) that I ran a mile, without stopping to walk.  It was an invigorating moment.  I then tried to run another one and wasn't so successful.  Baby steps.

Since setting sail on this journey to a healthier me, I have forced myself to run.  It hasn't been the easiest part of the journey, by any means.  There have been times when I have genuinely enjoyed getting outside and running around San Diego.  There have even been  times when I have gotten on the treadmill and was shocked at how fast the time went.  Then, there have been times when I have gone to the gym with the intention of getting on a treadmill and got on the elliptical instead.

One thing that has really fueled my love for running is the opportunity to be involved in various 5k races.

It is no secret that I love me a good 5k.

There is something about putting on a race bib that makes running 3.1 miles WAY better than when lacing up the Nikes for a run on the treadmill or around my neighborhood.  So far this year, I have completed 3 5k runs.  I may just have to make it a goal to do 12 this year.  In fact, I may do just that.  Anyone wanna join in the fun?

So far I have ran in Seattle, Denver, and Irvine.  Each race was so different.  Seattle was FREEZING cold and so windy, which resulted in my fastest 5k time ever.  Denver was interesting as I was expecting to die from running in that altitude, but my time was average.  Irvine was an ABSOLUTE blast!  Irvine was...

THE COLOR RUN 

 

I first found out about The Color Run while looking through the fitness pins on Pinterest.  As soon as I saw this, I HAD to sign up.  (Just a side-note, the color run is coming to San Diego on November 3rd, SIGN-UP ASAP, it WILL sell out and you will be BUMMED that you missed it.  Just trust me, even if you aren't a runner; you will have so much fun, you will forget you are even running.)  I can't remember the last time that I laughed while running.  In fact, I don't think I have ever laughed and enjoyed running so much.  I can't wait for November 3rd so I can do this run again!

Here are some pictures from our COLOR RUN experience... I contemplated only posting the "pretty" ones but I thought the "not-so-pretty" ones would make for a good laugh.  Enjoy! :)

(Some are from the website and  I am too cheap to buy the digital image so you get to see that lovely copyright stamp.)

 

Don't I look SO pretty in those last two?

You're welcome!

 

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Amanda

I gotta be honest, as a kid, I wanted to change my name.

Amanda

Don't call me Mandy, I am not a "Mandy"... not even a little bit.

So boring. So unoriginal. So BLAH.
One of the most popular female names of 1985.  Number 4 to be exact.

I wanted to change my name to Samantha and be called Sam.  You know, cause that name is SO original.
I don't hate my name so much any more. In fact, I am learning to love my name... mainly because of what it means.

Worthy Of Love.

I can't help but think that this is one way in which God FOR SURE knew what He was doing with my parents, in relation to me.  My parents named me after the Boston song, Amanda.  You know the one...

I'm gonna take you by surprise

And make you realize

AMANDA

(I don't apologize that this song will now be stuck in your head all day.  Embrace it.  Enjoy it.)

...My parents named me after that lovely Boston tune, and I am not even sure that they were aware of the meaning behind the name, Amanda.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a good 80's love ballad as much as the next person, but what I appreciate even more than that is a good name meaning.

I am glad that my parents, for whatever reason it may have been, named me Amanda.  I need this name.  I don't need to be named Samantha, however beautiful the name is.  I need to be Amanda.  I need the daily reminder that I am WORTHY of love. 

So, today, I choose to live in the truth of my name... the truth that I am WORTHY of GREAT love.  Living in the truth means not settling for less than that.  Living in that truth means not making excuses.  Living in that truth means owning it.

I am worthy of great love.

Even if your name isn't Amanda, I hope that you know that you too, are worth of great love.

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Do it for YOU

The extra spritz of perfume.
The touch-up of make-up before heading out.
The quick glance in the mirror before leaving or entering.
The new blouse.
The new shoes.
The change of cut or color of hair.
The painful wax.
The hours in the gym.

How often we do these things for someone else, in hopes that they will make a difference!

We do an extra spritz of perfume hoping that the smell would be intoxicating.  We touch-up our make-up in hopes that it will make our eyes stand out just a bit more than usual.  We check ourselves out in the mirror numerous times, making sure everything is just perfect.  We buy new blouses and shoes and pants and accessories hoping that the perfect outfit will catch their eye.  We change our hair style or color hoping people with notice the change, even when it is just a trim.  We get waxed and plucked and trimmed and tucked, for who?!  We spend countless hours in the gym or yoga studio or running the streets hoping to shed those last 10 pounds, because they are what are holding us back.

By we, I mean I.

We I do all of these things and more.

Yesterday was the first time I ever did these things for ME... and it felt so different from all the times that I had done them for someone else!

I did an extra spritz of my favorite Chanel perfume... FOR ME.
I touched up my make-up before leaving... FOR ME.
I checked myself out in the mirror, smiling big... FOR ME.
I put on my new blouse... FOR ME.
I straightened my hair... FOR ME.
I did a REALLY fun 5k with some girlfriends... FOR ME.

I did these things for me because I am worth it.
I am worth the extra spritz of expensive perfume.
I am worth the touch-up of make-up.
I am worth the extra glance in the mirror.
I am worth the trip to the salon for a new hair do and a wax.
I am worth a new outfit every now and again.
I am worth the hours I spend in the gym.

I am worth it.

You are worth it.

Quit doing it for someone else.  Do it for you.

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Currently on repeat...

I blame (and thank) my dearest Sweet Megs for this.  It is just so good.

The whole record is good, and it is rare that I like a WHOLE record.  Track 4, Come to Me stopped me in my tracks (literally) and has pretty much been on repeat every since.  Check out these lyrics...

I am the Lord your God,
I go before you now.
I stand beside you
I’m all around you
And though you feel I’m far away
I’m closer than your breath
I am with you
More than you know

I am the Lord your peace
No evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind
Come into my rest
And oh, let your faith arise
And lift up your weary head
I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
And I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you
I’m your faithful strength
And I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

Don’t look to the right or to the left, keep your eyes on me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved
Ohhhh

I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Heyyyy
Just come to me, come to me
Cause I’m all that you need

TRUTH.

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James

I did my first Beth Moore study almost 9 years ago.

I will never forget when my sweet friend, and in many ways my very own Paul, gave me Breaking Free to do while away at my first year of college.  I had a late start on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I would wander down to Gwinn Commons on those mornings to hang out with Jesus, Beth, and a cup of Hot Chocolate.  I loved those Tuesday and Thursday mornings.  I blame, and thank, Lydia for my love for Beth Moore and her Big-Hair, Texas-Talk, Mom-encouragement ways.

If you have never done a Beth Moore study, I STRONGLY encourage you to do so.  Yes, they are intended for the ladies, but I know men who have journeyed through Scripture with the help of Beth and enjoyed it and gained great knowledge and insight from it.

I just recently started Beth's newest study, James: MERCY TRIUMPHS and am loving the process of learning about Jesus' brother, James.  I mean, could you imagine being Jesus' sibling?!  Yeah, I can't either.  I mean I hated being compared to my sister and she is human, I can't even fathom how James felt.

I finished week one yesterday and can't wait to venture into week two this afternoon.  Yesterday, during my study, this caught my eye and I couldn't help put snap a photo, thanks to the help of instagram, and share it with others.

 

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NO ONE is above an affair

No one is above an affair.
I will never forget the first time I was told this.
Hearing those words rocked my world.

My dad cheated on my mom countless times.
I, in sometimes unhealthy and anger filled ways, swear that I will NEVER be like my dad.
I had this chip on my shoulder that I would NEVER cheat, I could NEVER do what my dad did.
When I heard "no one is above an affair" I became angry.
I thought surely these words don't apply to me, I am above an affair.
Despite my anger, I listened further and allowed myself to learn.

It is true, NO ONE is above an affair.

In my idealistic mind and heart I like to believe that these things are true:

No one goes into their wedding day thinking that it isn't going to last.
No one has a business dinner thinking that it is going to turn into an affair.
No one hits a rough patch in their marriage and immediately throws in the towel.

Unfortunately, my idealistic mind is just that.  IDEALISTIC.

People get married with doubts and fears.
People go to dinner with a pit in their stomach but still hope for something.
People throw in the towel at the drop of a dime.

Learning that no one is above an affair was one of the hardest things for me to hear but I am so glad that someone told me that so early in life.  Learning this lesson at such a young age and before entering into marriage has allowed me to set boundaries before they are even needed.

I try my best not to befriend a man who is married without also befriending his wife.
If I do have a friend that is a man, who is married, I don't hang out with him without his wife being present, unless his wife knows about it and it is in a public place... even then, this is VERY rare.
I avoid texting/instant messaging/facebooking with a married man, as it leads to inside jokes, inappropriate closeness, and is just Bad News Bears.
I am just cautious.
Sometimes side hugs are more appropriate than a strong embrace.

Today, the post on one of my favorite blogs, Good Women Project, was about exactly this topic. I read it and again was stirred to share it.

I appreciate the boundaries that she has established as a single person...

• Don’t ride alone in the car with a married man. Even though it’s innocent, car rides can be long and isolated. Inside jokes are created and a deeper form of friendship comes through being alone together. If he’s married, there’s no need for him to have that kind of relationship with any woman except his wife.
• Don’t be in the office alone with a married man. If there’s only two of us left in the office, one of us needs to leave. Or ask another co-worker to stay. I know this creates an awkward dynamic at first, but once it’s the standard, it becomes second-nature. Even if it’s only because of the pretense of what could be happening and definitely isn’t, it doesn’t matter. It’s worth it the safety-net.
• If someone who is married begins to complain to me about their spouse, end it immediately. Say it’s inappropriate and that it makes you uncomfortable. If I were to tell my 18-year-old self one thing, it would’ve been that. I listened to far too many wife-bashing stories that I now, as a wife, really regret listening to. They have plenty of male friends they can talk with, and if they don’t, they can find some.
• Don’t text/IM with a married man unless his wife is present, or I know she could read everything I’m saying without questioning my integrity or intentions.

Though I am not married, I also appreciate the boundaries that she has set as a married woman:

• No communication with exes, from any stage of life. The heart can be an absolute fool. What happens when you and your spouse are in an argument that’s going on days, you feel under-appreciated and an ex tells you how beautiful and wonderful you are? Only a few more steps into an affair. How many stories have you heard/seen about people who reconnected via Facebook and left their spouse? I’ve heard too many. I doubt any of them were planning to end up in affairs.
• Never ride alone in the car with someone of the opposite sex. Again, this can be the starting place for an isolated relationship with a man other than my husband. Driving in the car isn’t the danger – rather the togetherness a long car ride can bring. For that matter, the same principle applies–don’t be at work alone with a male co-worker, or vice versa. Scratch that–if you are married, just don’t hang out by yourself with someone of the opposite sex.
• When it comes to friendships, if you’re a woman, be friends with women. I’m not saying you can’t have male friends. But please don’t be one of the girls that say, “I just can’t get along with women.” Do you know that means you are probably the problem in that equation? I have no doubts that women have hurt you and been cruel. But I also know a lot of great women who encourage and strengthen. So don’t stop at the “I don’t like women,” door; push beyond it and seek out deep, meaningful friendships with other women.
• Try very hard not to put down (even in a joking way) our spouse around other people. My friend says it this way–when she was pregnant, one of her husband’s co-workers asked, “So, is your wife getting really moody and hard to deal with as her pregnancy ticks on?” Even though in other settings they could all laugh and poke fun at the ridiculousness, her husband gave a short, “Nope, we’re just thankful she’s been able to carry her this long.” I really respect that.
• Don’t go to bed without saying I’m sorry and/or I love you. In our 2 and 1/2 years of marriage, we’ve had our minor blow-outs. Anyone can tell you–I’m a difficult person (and I’m guessing you are, too!) and so I have my fair share of life to apologize for. Humility and forgiveness has paved such an open dialogue and space for apology.
• Love each other like crazy. Don’t withhold love, apology, or grace.

All this to say... NO ONE IS ABOVE AN AFFAIR.  It sucks to say.  It is a tough reality but it is exactly that, reality.

So, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them.

Boundaries are a GOOD thing!

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Preparing for the Dirty Thirty

I still have about 3 years before I will be approaching the Dirty Thirty but it just means that I have some time to work on some things on this list...

My friend Jessica posted a blog yesterday about how she will be turning 30 this summer.  Crazy to think that Jess and I met when she was 24 and I was 21.  I can't help but laugh as I type this blog.  Mainly because when we met, I was crazy in love with someone, who I now know didn't love me back, who now happens to be Jessica's brother-in-law.  Small world eh?!  Anyway, Jessica found this article in Glamour about things that a woman should have and know before turning 30.  Good stuff!

Some of these things, I have and I know... some, I don't.  Hey, I have three years right?

Here are the lists...

By 30, You Should Have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

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Anxiety is real

I have anxiety.
Anxiety does not have me.
It comes and goes.
It comes at the most inopportune times (like when on a trip to Ireland that is won on the Ellen show).
It always seems to come on during travel... which is AWESOME.  And by AWESOME I mean NOT AT ALL!

You don't need to experience anxiety to know that it is real.

I don't have to be pregnant to know that pregnancies happen.
I don't need to have sex to know that sex is good and all of the other things that I am told it is.
I don't need to lose a loved one to know that the pain is deep and never goes away.
Again, you don't need to experience anxiety to know that it is real.

The first time I dealt with anxiety was in London, almost 4 years ago.
It sucked.
It sucked REAL BAD.
Then, I dealt with it again in San Antonio just a month after the London fiasco.
After that, it came and went with the wind.
Vacations and trips here and there, nothing consistent... but enough to cramp a person's style.

If I am ever going to stay the night somewhere that is not my own house, I ALWAYS have my anxiety meds with me.  I was so self conscious about this in the beginning.  I am THAT person who needs meds.  (Ummmm NEWS FLASH, there are A LOT of people who use meds and a lot of people who DON'T, NEED to.)  All this to say, I was ashamed.  I hated that I needed these pills to help me cope with whatever it was that was causing me to be anxious and unsettled.

As I was getting ready for my Spring Break trip, I made sure that my meds weren't expired and were ready to go.  I never know if I will need them, but I would rather have them there and available than go into a trip with confidence and find myself curled up in a ball crying hysterically (it's not a pretty sight).  I packed up bags, making sure my meds were in my carry-on and boarded the plane.

Here's how the trip went down:

Night One: A little anxious but NO MEDS needed.

Night Two: Not even a little anxious.

Night Three: BEST NIGHT OF SLEEP I HAVE HAD IN A LONG TIME!

Night Four: Again with the amazing sleep.

Night Five: NOTHING

Night Six: NOTHING

Night Seven: NOTHING

Night Eight: NOTHING

VICTORY!

I can't begin to tell you how monumental this is for me.  I feel like whenever someone brings up travel I have this black cloud over me that I don't like to talk about.  It has made me very picky about who I travel with.  It has kept me from doing things for fear of embarrassing myself or my friends by getting anxious.

There are so many great memories from Spring Break 2012 but my favorite will be this one.

VICTORY.

I am very aware that I will ALWAYS have anxiety.

I am also aware that my God is bigger than this and any other obstacle in my life.

My God wants me to have a "peace that surpasses all understanding". 

He wants me to "cast my fears" on Him.

He wants me to "present my requests" to Him.

I have Anxiety but God has me.

I find great rest in that truth.

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Spring Break

Dear Spring Break 2012,

You really out did yourself this time.

I should have known you were going to be pretty dang amazing when I looked out the window upon descending into Seattle, only to see CLEAR SKIES and a city that is absolutely majestic.  That was just the beginning.  A quick stop at Safeway for some Ice Cream followed by a few hours of Girl Talk (not the game) with Megs was just another sign of how good this week was going to be.  Going to bed at 4am was rough but so worth the lack of sleep.  

Waking up to Seattle rain was exactly what I was hoping for.  No trip to Seattle is complete without a quick stop into Noah's Bagels on Queen Anne.  Shopping at U Village and Downtown is always good for a girl's heart (and these trips were good on the wallet too, as I didn't spend a dime).  Just because I didn't buy, didn't mean I couldn't have some fun. 

The sun decided to make a Spring appearance as we strolled through downtown.  It is always fun to bust out some sunglasses in Seattle.  I always hope for some sunshine on my trips to Seattle and I am never disappointed.  When the sun comes out, I do what every other tourist (and even some Seattle-ites) do, I head straight for Kerry Park.

 

Spring Break, you were full of love and laughter, and I thank you for that.  Saturday night at The Yard and Yen Wor Garden made for lots of fun.  Getting to meet one of Emily's YaYa's was a treat that only you could have provided.  Shots of Patron that were really triple shots are also sweet gifts for the vacationer.

Running a 5k in the FREEZING wind along the shores of Lake Washington was an experience that not many have during Spring Break, or ever really.  I ran as fast as I could so as to get out of the crazy cold wind all while still trying to enjoy the view and take in the sweet smells of the Pine Trees all around me.  Finishing the race in 27:17, my fastest time EVER is a Spring Break memory that I will never forget. 

A stop on the Spring Break tour in Seattle probably wouldn't have even happened if it weren't for sweet Lucia.  I still can't believe that Rosie is a MOM.  I'm sorry, Spring Break, but when did I get old enough to fly to places to see my friend who just had a baby?! 

 

Spring Break, you got REAL fancy with a stop into the Canlis Lounge.  I mean REALLY fancy.  I have never had a more magical and special dining experience and I wouldn't have picked two better people to have shared it with than Megs and TWals.  I mean I get why Megs dreams of the French Foam... DELISH!

This San Diego girl couldn't have been happier when flying into an April Snow in Denver.  There is something about falling show that just beckons me to rest.  Granted I don't have to shovel it or warm up my car or do any of the dreaded things that people who LIVE in snow have to do.  The snow made it easy for Chelsea and I (and Jax too) to decide to camp out in the Theater and get sucked into the time warp that is the Theater room.

Falling asleep to snow and waking up to blue skies is exactly what I was hoping for.  I loved the magical snow fall that welcomed me to Colorado but I didn't want it to go on throughout my whole trip.  Blue Skies and snow blanketed hills called for a Wednesday morning hike through Boulder.  A day that starts with a hike should only be finished with the most amazing margarita (or two) while visiting with an old Young Life friend who I rarely get to see, and some time in the hot tub looking out at the Colorado mountains.

Thursday called for Breakfast with CC Darling in Littleton and then a mini road-trip down to Colorado Springs.  First stop in the springs was Dutch Brothers Coffee, for obvious reasons. DUH.  Once we had our tasty beverages we headed to Garden of The Gods to take in some of the beauty that Colorado has to offer.  I gotta be honest, I don't understand how someone can see all of that and NOT believe in God.  After taking in that beauty, we walked around the Springs and ran into a human representation of God's beauty.  Spring Break, thank you for putting the green peace man on the corner for us to chat with.  I mean wow... he was NOT ugly!

After we did a drive-by to get one final glimpse of the hot green peace man, we made our way to my Aunt's house to have dinner.  I hadn't really seen any of these family members since shortly after my dad died almost 2 1/2 years ago.  I will be honest, I was anxious as to how the night would go; Spring Break, you out did yourself again and it was a great night.  We laughed.  We cried.  We told truths that needed to be told.  It was a really healing night.

Friday came and it was time for a bike ride through Boulder only to be followed by a tour through the Coors Factory.  My lovely cousin Sarra drove down from school to meet us for the tour.  Just three girls going on a tour of a brewery, NBD.  Three free FULL SIZE tastes at the end of the tour, don't mind if I do! (I only had two.)

Friday night called for a Nuggets game and some barhopping in downtown Denver.  Nothing like $25 tickets to watch a REALLY good game between the Nuggets and Suns.  (Sorry Phoenix fans, your team lost.)  First stop after the game was 1Up, this fun dive bar full of arcade games and a fun photo booth.  Next, we ventured over to Brother's and then on to Howl At The Moon.  Yes, this Grandma stayed up and out past 11pm on COUNTLESS nights this week.  Spring Break, you win in the lack of sleep department... well worth it though!

Saturday, it was time for the Hippity Hop Easter Trot in Denver.  I was a bit nervous for this run due the the altitude but I didn't do half bad.  Finished in 34:45... not my best time, or even close to it, but not my worst time either.  After the run, we went down to Larimer street in Downtown Denver for Lunch at The Market.  HELLO YUMMY Sandwich!  (In case you haven't gotten the drift, Spring Break consisted of eating and drinking my way through Seattle and Denver.)

Saturday afternoon came and it was time to head back home to San Diego... not a bad place to have to head home to, I know. 

Spring Break, you were so good to me.  I got to spend time with some of my most favorite people who don't live in San Diego.  I got to see and experience beautiful places.  I got to eat at swanky restaurants.  I got to laugh and cry with some very dear friends.  I got to cuddle one of the sweetest dogs in the world (don't tell Scout and Boo).  I got to see family and experience healing through that visit.  I got to meet my sweet pseudo niece, Lucia.  I got to sleep in.  I got to read a book, start to finish.  I got to run two 5k's in a week.  Spring Break, you were so good to me.  I appreciate all that you brought into my life last week and will be forever grateful.

I love you, Spring Break 2012.
I love you.

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