Anxiety is real

I have anxiety.
Anxiety does not have me.
It comes and goes.
It comes at the most inopportune times (like when on a trip to Ireland that is won on the Ellen show).
It always seems to come on during travel... which is AWESOME.  And by AWESOME I mean NOT AT ALL!

You don't need to experience anxiety to know that it is real.

I don't have to be pregnant to know that pregnancies happen.
I don't need to have sex to know that sex is good and all of the other things that I am told it is.
I don't need to lose a loved one to know that the pain is deep and never goes away.
Again, you don't need to experience anxiety to know that it is real.

The first time I dealt with anxiety was in London, almost 4 years ago.
It sucked.
It sucked REAL BAD.
Then, I dealt with it again in San Antonio just a month after the London fiasco.
After that, it came and went with the wind.
Vacations and trips here and there, nothing consistent... but enough to cramp a person's style.

If I am ever going to stay the night somewhere that is not my own house, I ALWAYS have my anxiety meds with me.  I was so self conscious about this in the beginning.  I am THAT person who needs meds.  (Ummmm NEWS FLASH, there are A LOT of people who use meds and a lot of people who DON'T, NEED to.)  All this to say, I was ashamed.  I hated that I needed these pills to help me cope with whatever it was that was causing me to be anxious and unsettled.

As I was getting ready for my Spring Break trip, I made sure that my meds weren't expired and were ready to go.  I never know if I will need them, but I would rather have them there and available than go into a trip with confidence and find myself curled up in a ball crying hysterically (it's not a pretty sight).  I packed up bags, making sure my meds were in my carry-on and boarded the plane.

Here's how the trip went down:

Night One: A little anxious but NO MEDS needed.

Night Two: Not even a little anxious.

Night Three: BEST NIGHT OF SLEEP I HAVE HAD IN A LONG TIME!

Night Four: Again with the amazing sleep.

Night Five: NOTHING

Night Six: NOTHING

Night Seven: NOTHING

Night Eight: NOTHING

VICTORY!

I can't begin to tell you how monumental this is for me.  I feel like whenever someone brings up travel I have this black cloud over me that I don't like to talk about.  It has made me very picky about who I travel with.  It has kept me from doing things for fear of embarrassing myself or my friends by getting anxious.

There are so many great memories from Spring Break 2012 but my favorite will be this one.

VICTORY.

I am very aware that I will ALWAYS have anxiety.

I am also aware that my God is bigger than this and any other obstacle in my life.

My God wants me to have a "peace that surpasses all understanding". 

He wants me to "cast my fears" on Him.

He wants me to "present my requests" to Him.

I have Anxiety but God has me.

I find great rest in that truth.