Insecure

Even the most confident and strongest of people have moments and seasons of feeling less than.  Unfortunately for me, I find myself in one of those seasons.  I can't explain why, I am still trying to figure that out, but I know that I find myself feeling less than and it isn't a good feeling.  Quite frankly, it doesn't make sense either.

I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me well.
I have the best friends a girl can ask for.
I have families who have welcomed me in as theirs and have made me feel like part of a whole.
I have two jobs, yes two, that I love.
I am tackling debt that I thought would cripple me forever.
I have an overabundance of things to be thankful for and celebrate... yet I find myself feeling sad and less than.

I have these moments of feeling like I am not enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not skinny/fit enough.
Not smart enough.
Not financially stable enough.
Not _______ enough.

IT IS ABOSLUTELY RIDUCLOUS!

Who says who or what is enough?!?!

I write this blog more for me than for anyone else.  I needed to get these feelings out on the proverbial paper so as to acknowledge them and start the healing process.  If I were honest I would say that I have been feeling this way for a little while but never put words to it.  I blamed it on being tired, PMS, or just having an off day.  The reality is, it's ok to not be ok.  However, it's NOT ok to set up home in the "not ok" area.  I can be not be ok for a season, allow myself to feel the emotions, and then I need to take an active role in becoming ok again.

Even writing these words I have breathed many deep breaths that have felt like a weight lifting.

So, this is me, not ok right now, but I will be... probably sooner than I think.

Today, I am praying for eyes to see myself the way He sees me.

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Happy Birthday!!!

Sweet Chels!

Today, we celebrate YOU.

YOU are worthy of a great celebration.

I am so honored to call you friend.

Looking through pictures of all of our adventures brings me great joy.  Road tripping from Colorado to San Diego, last minute trips to Seattle, Cruising to The Bahamas, stays at The Chateau, Rascal Flatts concerts, Football Games, Basketball Games, bike rides through Boulder... the list can and does go on and on.  I am so thankful for you.

I hope today is full of love and laughter.

You are a gift.

LOVE YOU BIG!

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Promises

Life can be hard.  At times, REALLY hard.

Cancer diagnoses.

Loss of loved ones.

Job loss.

Bankruptcy.

Foreclosure.

Suicide.

Depression.

Relationships ending.

Miscarriages.

Adoption struggles.

Loneliness.

The list can, and does, go on and on and on.

My heart is heavy for so many around me.  Though there are many things to celebrate and rejoice over in life, there is also an incredible about of pain and sorrow that is undeniable.  All of the things listed above, and even more, are situations and realities that people around me are currently journeying through.  There are many ways to word it but the reality is - life can be REALLY hard.

Last April I was introduced to Loft Sessions by Bethel Music.  That album has been in steady rotation for over a year and a half now, with no end in sight.  One song in particular is often on repeat, and that is "Come to Me".

Take a moment and read the lyrics...

I am the Lord your God,
I go before you now.
I stand beside you
I’m all around you
And though you feel I’m far away
I’m closer than your breath
I am with you
More than you know

I am the Lord your peace
No evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind
Come into my rest
And oh, let your faith arise
And lift up your weary head
I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
And I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you
I’m your faithful strength
And I am with you
Wherever you go
Don’t look to the right or to the left, keep your eyes on me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved

I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to me, come to me
Cause I’m all that you need

That is some Truth to cling to, right there.

When life gets hard, and the wind and the waves are too much, we have an anchor to cling to.
When the questions and doubts overwhelm our thoughts, we don't have to be afraid.
When we feel anything but peace, we have Peace to steady our heart and mind.

I don't know about you, but these are some promises to cling to.

For my friends who read this who are going through a rough season (remember, this too shall pass), I want you to know that I can't help but pray for you when this song plays through my speakers/headphones. 

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DONE

29 weeks later... DONE.

I can't tell you how happy I am.

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Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

I don't think I will ever get sick of this song...

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8 Months Ago...

...we met at Miguel's in Coronado for dinner then continued on to Moo Time for ice cream and then took a walk around the island.  I can't help but smile thinking about that night.

I'm a lucky lady.

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Luchador Mask Night

Nothing like a Padres Win to make Luchador Mask Night even better.

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No Pun Intended

It's interesting and oh-so-fitting that the record just released by The Civil Wars is self-titled.  Let's be real, they are having their own civil war.  In all interviews/articles that I have read (which have only been given from the perspective of Joy since John Paul is not doing any press for the record) there was never any pun intended.

This record DOES NOT disappoint.
The Civil Wars have undeniable talent. 
Lyrically.
Melodically.
Rhythmically.
It is all SO GOOD.

What makes the record even better is knowing that the duo weren't speaking during the recording process, and still aren't.  They believed in the work and agreed that the art needed to be shared (or their management/record label made them, but that is up for interpretation).

If you haven't already, take a listen.

It is on spotify so you can listen to the whole record without purchasing it.  BUT, if you like it, be sure to support the artist and purchase it.

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So it begins...

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Labor Day

There is something about watching sports, playing games, and eating food from the BBQ that makes a day off that much more special.

Happy Labor Day!

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Sourface

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MegaTicket = Mega Fun.

One of my favorite parts of my job with Live Nation is getting to dream up and create fun party experiences for some very special patrons.  It has been especially fun to have Nate on my team this season.  Sometimes the job entails moving 5 port-a-potties by hand... those are the best parts of the job but I will take the messy with the wonderful.

It is always fun to get to know the patrons and their families.  We get to celebrate birthdays, engagements, graduations, new jobs, pregnancies, babies and so much more with these patrons as the season goes on.  I feel so fortunate to get to be part of this program.  This year has been no different.  It has been so fun to get to know some of the patrons and to get to catch up at every concert.

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Happier than a camel on Wednesday...

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August 18?!?

Can someone please tell me where Summer vacation went?!? August 28th is just a mere 7 work days away.

I'm not ready for the school year to begin again!!!

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She works hard for her money....

And by she, I mean me.

This summer vacation has hardly been a vacation.  Since going down to one job on June 19th, I have had 18 days off including weekends!  Now don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining.  It is a perfect situation in that I get to work in the schools during the school year and at the concert venues over the summer, with some overlap of course.  I absolutely LOVE what I do and am so honored that I get to be part of making these concert experiences happen for the fans.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have worked LOTS of hours this summer prepping for, executing, and completing concerts at five different venues throughout Southern California.  Country to Stoner Shows.  Boy Bands to Americana... we have seen some of the biggest acts out there and we are only half way through our season.  Even as I type this I have to take a second to really think about all of the acts that have come through the venues and how fortunate I am that I get to play a role in making the shows happen.  It's a real honor to get to be part of a team that makes these shows happen.

So, I work hard for my money but I am thankful that I have a job that I love, which requires hard work but also beckons hard play.

Thankful...

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An Update

Operation Get Out Of Debt began on April 1st.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I made the decision to focus my finances and make a plan to get out of debt.  I am BEYOND thankful that Nate took the time and made the HUGE effort to help me build a cash flow budget, create a plan of attack, and helped me to see through all of this clearly.

I am so proud of how well I have done with this journey.

My credit card balance has been cut in half... and I am not talking $1,000 to $500 either.
My savings account has grown exponentially.
I no longer wonder how I will pay for gas at the end of the month.
I can tell you exactly where every penny goes.

I am fairly certain the people at Target miss my "make it rain"mentality - I swear I must have gone to Target on pay day and just thrown my check in the air because I certainly spent A LOT of money there with not really anything to show for said purchases.

There are hard parts to this journey but I always have to take a step back and remind myself what the end goal is, and then the hard parts aren't so hard.

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Luke Bryan

This year, Luke Bryan was awarded CMA Entertainer of the Year.
I understand why.
The man throws a party during his concert.
He hands out beer, pours moonshine out for members of the crowd, and keeps the energy high during his whole set.

Another weekend of Country Megaticket parties is in the books.

PS... hearing Luke Bryan sing "Do I" live made me pretty dang happy.

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The bromance continues

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I've been dethroned!

With the arrival of Charlotte Avery, I am no longer the youngest girl in our family.  I happily pass on the throne to this sweet pea.

I love being a Tia!

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One Direction

Upon experiencing the insanity that is working a "boy band" show, I have to apologize for my actions during the years 2000-2002.

I lined up early in the morning for the lottery of NSync tickets.  I got back in line with the hopes of the release of a second date.  I screamed at the top of my lungs when they came to the stage at Qualcomm stadium.

I was crazy for a boy band. Of course, Justin was my favorite, duh!

All this to say, I love my job.

It can be insane with many ups and downs but is a huge blessing in my life. I am so fortunate to get to do what I love and work with people who make me smile.

Cheers to One Direction and all the insanity it brought us!

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Uh. May. Zene!

Amazing.

No other word.

I feel so privileged to have been able to attend the entertainment experience that was Justin and JayZ - The Legends of Summer Tour. 

The energy at the Rose Bowl was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

Happy (early) Birthday my love! I wouldn't have wanted to experience this with anyone else!

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I like this guy...

...a lot!

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I ain't straight outta Compton...

... I'm straight out the trailer.

Seeing as how I lived in your run-of-the-mill, movie scene of a trailer park, I especially love to sing that particular line of Cowboy as loud as I can. :)

Kid Rock was the perfect way to kick off our concert weekend.  He never disappoints!

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The Countdown is ON!

BEYOND excited for next weekend!!!

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WINNER!!!

It's always a good feeling when you bet Win, Place and Show... and your horse WINS!!
Nothing like a free day at the races... including the money used to place said bet.

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Distance...

Cheesy, I know.

But it's true...

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Just a reminder...

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Grandma

Between being in a relationship, having two jobs, trying to maintain a schedule at the gym, and trying to have time for myself and sleep, I don't get to see this lady as much as I would like and should.  When I do see her, I cherish the moments.  I am honored to call this woman Grandma.

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Beth Moore

10 years ago, Lydia gave me my very first Beth Moore study, Breaking Free.
Since then she has given me many more and I have purchased others.

Each of these studies, whether they have been completed or not, have taught me so much about Jesus, His love for us, the people He lived life with while on earth, how I can better serve and love Him, and how I can better love and serve myself.

If you are a lady who loves Jesus and you have never done a Beth Moore study - I suggest going to get one ASAP.  Trust me!

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Breaking Free - 10 years later

I have been thinking about going through the Beth Moore study, Breaking Free, again now that it has been 10 years since I first went through it.  I decided to go through my book from 10 years ago to see what has/hasn't changed since then.  I came across this little gem and couldn't help but stop dead in my tracks and read it over and over and over again.

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Independence Day 2013

Today was not at all what I had imagined when I was dreaming of the 4th in June.

Nate had to stay in Mexico for work.
Andrea and Amy didn't do the usual Coronado 4th of July Extravaganza.
Chao's were out of town so no fireworks at their place.

I was bummed.  REAL bummed.
I wanted to get to spend the 4th with Nate - enjoying Coronado, a BBQ, and some fireworks.

Thankfully, I still had friends welcome me to their celebration - and I must say, it was a BLAST.  The Murphy's know how to throw a 4th of July party!

Quality time with Bugg.
More food than you can imagine.
Blow up pools, complete with countless water guns for fun.
A house right on the parade route.
Lots of laughs.
It was wonderful.

All this to say, I am a blessed lady.
The 4th didn't look like I thought it would, but it was still so wonderful.

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Summer Fun

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Del Mar Fair

I refuse to call it the "San Diego County Fair".

It will, FOREVER be, known as the Del Mar Fair!

I didn't have any fried food

... but Nate did.

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Just remember...

 

Sometimes it is easy to forget Who is in control and Who holds us.

We are damaged goods.

We feel like we never get picked.

We have been dropped.

We panic.

We feel alone.

We get scared.

We feel weak.

These are all normal feelings.

Life is hard.  Some times are harder than others.

Ups and downs are a part of life.

We can't control the ups and downs but we can control how we respond.  So, when the ups turn to downs, remember the truths presented in Isaiah 41.

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Sea World

Nothing like a day at Sea World compliments of my sister.

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In all times...

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Father's Day

If you know me fairly well or have been reading this blog for a good amount of time, you know that I didn't have a stellar relationship with my dad, in fact the relationship was virtually non-existent.  My parents started living separately when I was in the first grade, separated when I was in the third grade, divorced when I was in the sixth grade and that was when I stopped seeing my dad on a regular basis.  My dad continually chose other things and other people over his family.

He was a sick man, with demons and addictions that run even deeper than what I know.  I would like to think that he never intentionally hurt me or my sisters or mom, he was a hurt person hurting people.  By no means am I excusing his actions - he made his choices.  However I am able to realize, through lots of therapy, that my dad and I are the same in that we are a fallen people who get to make our own choices.  Unfortunately, his choices weren't great ones and they have had and will have lasting affects.

Father's Day is this Sunday and days like Mother's Day and Father's Day always bring up a whole mess of emotions for me.  To put it plainly, those days suck and are just REAL hard for me.  Father's Day is always particularly hard - and so is the week leading up.

I find myself feeling extreme sadness, mild anger, grieving the loss of my father, mourning the loss of what could have been, and a wide range of other feelings and emotions.  The reality is, a child should NEVER be abandoned by their parents, whether it is emotionally or physically... or even both.  NEVER.  I have learned that the abandonment had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the decisions that my father was making, which makes it easier to process but the pain is still real and the wound is still there, scared over but still there.

I am incredibly fortunate to have a step-dad that has been there for the milestones that my dad wasn't.  Clyde has been a father-figure in my life since I was a bratty 13 year old - he endured some real bratty years.  Beyond that, some of my closest friends have shared their dads with me.  Just today, I got an email from my friends dad that made the tears flow like no other.  When the days are hard, I have to remind myself of these blessings.

All this to say, I know that Father's Day isn't only hard for me.  There are so many people just like me, and with stories far more devastating than mine.  As hard as it is, we must choose well in these days leading up to, and the day of Father's Day.  Choose joy.

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Hard to Love

Katelynn first shared Lee Brice's Hard to Love with me a long while ago.  From the first listen, I was hooked.  The tune is catchy and the lyrics are real good.  If you haven't heard it, or are one of those people who doesn't pay attention to lyrics, here are the lyrics to the chorus...

I'm hard to love, hard to love,
No, I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
You say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.

 

These feelings that I am about to put out there are hard to articulate and are even harder to put out there for others to see.  The reality is, anyone close to me already knows this about me so it's not like I am sharing some secret; I am hard to love.  Some have been brave enough to tell me that I am hard to love - I have listened to some and have been too proud and too stubborn to listen to others.  I am very fortunate to have some really amazing people in my life who have stepped in when others have stepped out.  Those people have taught me so much about giving and receiving love.  Those people have also told me, over and over again, that relationships are work and are incredibly revealing about yourself.  They are right about both.

In the 6 months that I have shared my life with Nate, I have learned so much about myself... some great things and some not-so-great things.  The most humbling lesson has been that I can be hard to love.  I am VERY BLESSED to be with someone who is patient and kind and speaks truth even when it is probably really hard to do so.  He has never told me that I am hard to love - he probably knows that would hurt to hear, but as we have been on this journey, I have learned that about myself.

I am moody.  I can be insensitive.  I am selfish.  The list can go on and on and I am NOT proud of this.  There will be seasons when it is hard to love.  There will be days when it is hard to love.  There will be moments when it is hard to love.  I believe it is the nature of loving a human - we go through seasons of life.  BUT, I don't ever want to use those moments, days, or seasons as an excuse.  I want it to be easy to love me.

So, sometimes I am hard to love, but I get to make the choice whether or not to stay that way.

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Tim McGraw

Today and Tomorrow will be consumed by all things Tim McGraw... and I'm totally ok with that.
I love my job.

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48 Hours

In just 48 hours I will begin the load-in/set-up process for the first of 5 shows for this year's Country Megaticket at Sleep Train Amphitheatre.

Can't believe the time has come.

So excited for what we have planned this season.

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Mumford Monday

The day has come!!!

MUMFORD & SONS

Our first SOLD OUT show of the 2013 season at Sleep Train Amphitheatre!

In honor of today, some M&S I love...

 

"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life."

Awake My Soul - Mumford & Sons

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Happy Heart

No, not the perfume.
Though. I do love that scent - A LOT.
I have a happy heart.

I am convinced there are few things better than crawling into bed with a smile on your face and a happy heart.  Tonight, I am doing both. 

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Imagine Dragons

Wow.

Wow.

Wow!

WOW!!

WOW!!! 

If you get the opportunity to see Imagine Dragons live - DO IT!  From the moment these guys took the stage, I was in awe.  I looked over at Nate, just a few moments in and said. "I'm a fan!"  The whole show, start to finish, was SO GOOD!

These guys are currently on a world tour that is SOLD OUT... so getting your hands on a ticket is no easy task - but if you can, don't hesitate! 

Thanks, Ang!

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Dear May,

I don't understand you.

You have taken FOREVER to get to the end yet you have flown by.  May 1st seems like it was months ago yet the days and weeks have gone by so quickly.  You're somewhat confusing.  I am looking forward to you ending tomorrow.  I am ready for June.

Sincerely,
Manders

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I want to see you be brave...

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Fail to Prepare - Prepare to Fail

When I was a student at the very High School that I now work at, a teacher would always paraphrase Benjamin Franklin by saying, "Fail to prepare?  Prepare to fail."  I hated hearing that over and over and over and over again.  Alas, it's the truth.

Yesterday was a perfect example of that.  I worked REALLY hard to be prepared and to have everything set with plenty of time to spare.  I was prepared... and you know what?  I was successful.  The day went off without any major issues and was done quickly and easily.

So, 12 years late, I will say this... I guess old Benny is right.

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Ready or Not

Today is the day.

I have been working on getting everything set for the 2013 Senior Exhibitions and today is the day.  Ready or Not... the day has come.

Here's to not letting anything get me down and letting any negative comments just roll off my back.

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Festa 2013

The countless crowns and ridiculous trains and over-the-top antics of Festa can be overwhelming to people who didn't grow up with it... I can TOTALLY understand that. To me, it's nostalgic.

• I can't walk by the beer booth without thinking of my Grandma and Grandpa and how I would hide in the back of the booth when the sun got to be too much.
• Stargazer Lilies are my favorite - mostly because the smell will always remind me of Festa.
• Flags aren't just flags when they have marked a parade route for over 100 years.
•  Getting a sunburn is just part of the celebration.
• Malasadas are a MUST.
• Linguica is best in Portuguese Sweet Bread with NOTHING on it.
• Sopes is also known as Slopes or Soggy Bread - I don't like it, yet somehow I always find myself in the tent eating it.
• Every band in the parade will play the staple Festa song... and it never gets old to me.

Getting to share this special event with friends always makes my heart so happy.  It may not make sense to everyone but it is a special cultural celebration that brings me great joy to be a part of.

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Truth

Sometimes we have to run from the lies that we are bombarded with everyday.
We must cling to Truth - sometimes this is easier said than done... but it MUST be done.

 

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Celebrating and Mourning

Days like Mother's Day are tough for some people.

The celebrations are wonderful and dreaded.
The card aisles are reminders of the good and the bad.
Both celebrating and mourning happen on days like today.

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Progress

I am pretty damn proud of myself.

That's all.

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Ummmm can you say ADORABLE?!

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ME

Tonight, I took care of ME.

There are still things to be done on the to-do list... but that's ok.  They will get done eventually.

Laundry done.
A fresh coat of paint on the toenails AND fingernails.
Two episodes of SMASH.
A good old fashioned PB&J complete with White Bread.

Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself and allow yourself to relax - even in the midst of chaos and busyness.

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Let the 2013 Concert Season BEGIN

Today is the day!

Well, it isn't our Opening Show Day, but it is the day when all of our seasonal staff returns for the first time.  I absolutely love our team... they work so hard, they always smile, and they continuously go above and beyond.  I am proud to be part of this team.

Can't wait to get this season going!

May 10th, here we come!

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Reminder

Sometimes we all need a reminder.
Today was one of those days for me.

CHOOSE WELL.

Easier said than done... but so necessary and feels so good when accomplished.

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Say So

Tonight, I was reminded of one of my most favorite parts of Young Life camp.

Nate's dad preached at the midweek service at church tonight and one of the scriptures that he shared was Psalm 107:2.

New King James Version

"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so..."

The Message says it like this:

 "Oh, thank God—he’s so good!
    His love never runs out.
All of you set free by God, tell the world!
    Tell how he freed you from oppression,
Then rounded you up from all over the place,
    from the four winds, from the seven seas."

If you have ever been to a Young Life camp, you know that it isn't like any other summer camp.  If you have never been, you are missing out.  It is never too late to experience it - you could always be an Adult Guest.  For lack of a better explanation, it is more like a week-long stay at a ridiculously fun resort with the most genuine and friendly people around.  If you ask me, it is a glimpse into Heaven... complete with meals served family style, laughter, adventure, and of course water slides and zip lines.

I attended camp at Woodleaf in 2000 and worked at Oakbridge during the summer of 2001, Windy Gap during the summer of 2002, Crooked Creek in the winter of 2002, Frontier Ranch during the summer of 2003, Washington Family Ranch in the spring of 2004, and Lost Canyon during the summer of 2004.  As I typed out each camp that I have had the privilege to attend or work at, I couldn't help but well up with tears.

I first met my dear friend Lydia at Woodleaf... she was a Baker from San Diego with such zeal for life, you couldn't help but want to know her.  Upon her return to San Diego she took me under her wing and didn't tell me how to live a life reflecting a love and passion for Jesus but SHOWED me.  She introduced me to Beth Moore.  She got in the tank with me when I was baptized.  She told me the hard truth, and continues to do so.  Lydia is the real deal.

I can't help but laugh when I think about my time at Oakbridge, mainly because I think about the start of my friendship with Rosie.  As I have shared in previous posts, I was not Rosie's cup of tea when our paths first crossed.  Eventually Rosie came around to my amazingness and drank the Kool-Aid.  (Kidding - kind of.)  Almost 12 years later, I still count Rosie as one of my best friends.  She has shared her family with me.  She will probably never get over me ruining her nap under the buffet line during Cartoon Breakfast but that is on her.

Windy Gap was an interesting experience in that it was my first time traveling all the way across the country on my own, not knowing anyone that I would be working with.  The Monsoons at Windy Gap were unlike anything I had ever experienced.  Two of my most favorite memories of my time at Windy Gap were taking the old plastic mattresses out of the storage area to slide down the wet hills during a rain storm and sitting in the valley in the pitch black singing the kids out of their quiet time on Cross-Talk night.

Winter Camp at Crooked Creek was a fun camp to be a part of.  I was still in High School but I was a Wyld Life leader so I was able to join my team as the Work Crew for the camp.  We woke up early to prepare breakfast before heading to the slopes and got dinner ready and cleaned up upon the return from the mountain.  I never thought that washing dishes, setting and clearing tables, and preparing meals could be so fun until I worked at a Young Life camp.

Frontier Ranch will always hold a VERY special place in my heart.  It was the summer before leaving for Seattle Pacific and I was on top of the world.  My work crew boss, Kristen Odmark, was and still is an incredible blessing.  There was a cabin of girls from somewhere in the Midwest that brought me such joy - they always sent their leader in EXTRA early so they could sit at my table.  There is something magical that happens in the dining rooms of Young Life camps.  The power in sitting down for a meal family-style is something that we could all learn from the way Young Life does camping.  Just as with Crooked Creek, I learned how fun it could be to prepare for and clean up after meals.  We made games out of getting the dining room set up.  We experienced joy in the pits (that's what they call the dish washing area).  One of my favorite moments at Frontier Ranch was getting to share my story with the campers during "Work Crew Club" one morning.  I got to share my journey of finding faith and making it my own.  I got to share how God met me where I was at and how He has been my Rock.  I was filled up while at Frontier.  I gained a confidence and self-respect that I had never had before.  I left Frontier Ranch ready to take on the world.

Washington Family Ranch was a fun road trip for Ali, Dan and me.  We made our way from SPU in Seattle, Washington to WFR in Antelope, Oregon to serve on the Work Crew for a winter camp.  We worked hard and played harder.  Ali had been to WFR many times before so we took her Civic around the property for a behind-the-scenes tour.  WFR has a REALLY interesting story, a story that sings a song of redemption, which is probably why I love the story so much.

I spent two months at Lost Canyon in 2004 and had an absolute blast.  During the first month, I was with people from Orange County, some of whom I knew from SPU and through Lydia (her now brother-in-law was there with me... small world).  During the second month, Kristi joined me and we were there with a group from Santa Barbara.  Being on Summer Staff vs Work Crew was such a new and fun experience.  Both months were full of fun, great memories, and lots of laughter.

Back to the main point of this ridiculously long post...

One of my most favorite parts of Young Life camp is the "Say so".  Throughout the week, students hear from the speaker, and their leaders in Cabin Time, about this guy named Jesus.  The students hear who Jesus is, what He did for you and I, and what that means for us, and then the students are given an opportunity to think about how that applies to their life and potentially make a life-changing decision.  After that opportunity to reflect and decide, we give them an opportunity to "Say so"!

MANY MANY a tear have been shed while watching the "Say so" take place.  There is nothing like watching the kid who didn't want to come to camp stand up and say so and go on to say that he really did have the best week of his life (Young Life offers a money back guarantee that kids will have the best week of their life).  Or the kid that hung out at the smoking pit (yes, there is a smoking pit at camp, get over your preconceived notions about this and really think through the thought process behind it and you will understand) who didn't want to participate in any of the games or activity stands up with hands trembling.  What about the bus driver who decided to stay at camp all week, in his bus, rather than going home, just so he could see what it is that makes this place so different - he stands up with tears falling down his face.  Leaders who heard the gospel in a new way that made them decide to say so all over again.  I wish that everyone could have the opportunity to experience the "Say so" at a Young Life camp.  I am so thankful that I have been able to experience it over 25 times, each time being so different yet so similar.  I am blessed.

 

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One Month Down...

...Approximately 18-21 months remaining.  Here's hoping it is closer to 18 than 21.

Living on a budget isn't nearly as tough as I thought it would be.  Being completely honest, it has actually helped to alleviate some stress in my life.  No more living paycheck to paycheck only to be down to just pennies before my next payday.  All bills/commitments are fulfilled on the 1st, INCLUDING money going into BOTH savings accounts.  It feels really good.

It feels REALLY good to know that I am getting my debt under control.
If feels REALLY good to watch the balance in my savings accounts, yes PLURAL, go up.
It feels REALLY good to have a goal and to be actively pursuing reaching that goal.

I know that it won't always be easy, but I am glad that I made it through the first month with only a few tears and with great confidence in the rest of this journey.

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Yes

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) : Hillsong United, Zion

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Truth

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary 
and increases the power of the weak. 
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

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Sara Bareilles does it again...

...as if there was ever any doubt.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
 
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
 
Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue 

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
 
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave   
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
 
Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
 
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave


Brave - Sara Bareilles

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Wow

You are more beautiful than you think.

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Done... well, Half-way

DONE!!

Well, the first 8 weeks are done!
We made it.

Might as well do another 8 weeks.

So.... I guess, we're really half-way done.
Either way, this calls for a celebration!

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Feel the Burn

Sometimes 5:15am is your only option.

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A Necessary Truth

In the midst of the confusion, anger, sadness, questioning, and downright chaos that comes with events like those which took place today, I can't help but draw near to my God.

Rather than listen to Justin Timberlake or whatever random playlist that is generally blasting through my speakers, I wanted to be centered on Truth.  I turned off the music that was playing so I could pray and gain a little perspective.  Then, Timberlake took the back-burner to some Jesus tunes.

The first song that come on, through the shuffle option, was "You Are God" by Charlie Hall. Tears immediately started to flow and I couldn't help but put this song on repeat. It was a necessary truth. It is a necessary truth.

"You're closer than our troubles, more present than any danger... You are God."

In times like these, I have no other choice but than to remember that God is closer than our troubles and more present than any danger. He is God... And if He is for us, what what can stand against us? I hope and pray that we can all find a sense of peace in the midst of the present chaos, and that we may know and believe the truth that is so eloquently shared in Charlie's song.

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Neon Run

Running with glow-sticks, getting splattered with paint, all while music is blaring is much more fun than your average run through the neighborhood.

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Internet Envy

It's a real thing.

It wasn't until very recently, and mostly because Nate called me out on it on more than one occasion, that I realized how much time I spend on social media.  I would find myself checking Facebook just a few minutes after I checked it the last time.  The same with Instagram.  I deleted the Twitter app off of my phone a while ago and deactivated/deleted my account soon after that... which wasn't really a sacrifice of any measure considering I would only check Twitter about once a month.

What is our fascination with being in the constant "know" of what is going on in the lives of those that we call "friends".  Do I really care what your 6 month old ate today? Not really.  Do you really care what concert it is that I am "at" and by "at" 9 times out of 10 it means that I am in a box office working, NOT out in the crowd?  Nope.  Do I really need to know where you ate your lunch and with whom? Not at all.

Sidenote:
About these "friends".  I put friends in quotations because I know that I am guilty of being "friends" with someone on Facebook that I don't consider a friend in my non-social media life.  I am not "friends" with complete strangers - but I certainly have "friends" that are people that I went to school with that I haven't seen since graduation and have only spoken to a handful of times since wearing those Maroon Caps and Gowns almost 10 years ago.  Some Many are real-life friends, but some are not, and that is why I use quotation marks.

There are parts of Facebook and Instagram that I really love.

While I don't care that your child is teething or what it is that they ate for their 10am feeding, I do love getting to see my friends' families grow.  I love getting to see the little ones grow and change - but I don't need to be on Facebook multiples time a day, or even daily, to see those changes take place.

While you don't care what concert it is that I am "at" - I do love my job, and am excited to get to share it with the people that I am "friends" with.  I feel VERY FORTUNATE and consider myself to be QUITE blessed to get to work a job that I absolutely love.  Along with that, people often complain that they didn't know that a particular show was happening - so I share it when it goes on sale, as tickets remain/go off of sale, and when the show happens.

I love being able to see and read about trips and treasures, engagements and weddings, house hunting and remodeling, babies and birthdays.  I love it.  BUT - I don't need to log-in or power up the app multiple times throughout the day, or even daily.  If I were being honest with you, and especially myself, I would say that it is absolutely unhealthy how much time I spend on social media.  I say that my time is valuable but I waste it on social media - it doesn't make sense... and it certainly doesn't make me any better.

I love getting my email updates from Relevant Magazine.  There is almost always an article or two that challenge me in one way or another.  This week was no different.  Shauna Niequist wrote an article about this exact topic: Instagram's Envy Effect.  If you haven't already, I think it is worthy of a read - even a quick skim wouldn't be a bad idea.

It is full of so much truth...

We post pictures showing our social media world our seemingly perfect relationships but no one knows about the disagreement that took place before the photo was taken.
We post pictures of our cute outfit but we make sure we crop out the mess in the background and post the picture from the most flattering angle that was one of MANY taken.
We say things like "Blessed" in our status update but don't update it the next day when we feel like curling up in a ball and crying all day.
We show our extravagant vacations, weddings, shopping trips, but we don't show the pile of debt that is building because of those things.

As Shauna says, we show half truths.  Only our REAL community, the one NOT found or formed through social media knows the WHOLE truth.  They know about the fight, the messy house, the panic attacks and debt.  Sure, there are some communities within social media that provide great support - but if that is the community that you find yourself going to most often, I would venture to say that it is time to unplug and look up at the faces that are right in front of you.

By no means am I giving up Facebook and Instagram.

BUT

I am trying to be MUCH MORE MINDFUL of how much time I devote to it.  I want to be present with those around me.  I want to find out what is happening in someone's life because we met for a walk or had a phone date or sent one another a letter or email.  I want to be more intentional with the people that are most important.  Facebook and Instagram are great - but they CERTAINLY do not deserve the amount of time that I have dedicated to them in the past.

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