if the shoe fits...

I titled this blog "the world is starving for joy" over a year ago when I started putting my senseless thoughts down for whoever wants to read.

There was truth in the title then, and there is truth now.

The world is starving for joy.

My heart is heavy for so many people/situations that are starving for joy...

Cancer diagnoses, Miscarriages, Infertility, Job Loss, Divorce, Love lost, Loneliness, Depression, Anxiety, Homelessness, Broken homes, Abuse, Self hatred...

You know who you are.

I am on my knees for you.

Hold on to hope.

Dust off those feet... JOY lies ahead!

BELIEVE THAT!

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Charles Kelley

A few months ago, my sweet friend Kimberlee West introduced me to Charles Kelley's music.
His album 2 the 9's is so freaking good. TRUST ME!
Shortly after that, I fell in love with Lady Antebellum's album.
It wasn't until tonight that I realized that Charles Kelley is the freaking lead singer of Lady Antebellum!
Makes sense.

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Peace

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

...story of my life. :)

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Hungry...

I have been going to Flood for about 2 months, consistently, and it has been so good. I am reconnecting with old friends, making new friends, feeling like I am part of a community that I really enjoy and believe in, and am continually being challenged and filled up. It has been so good.

Last night, the lesson was about hunger, about hungering for the Lord; the lesson was about being filled. The past few weeks there I have sat in wonder and amazement with the biggest smile on my face. I feel full. I don't feel stuck. I am hungry. I have joy. I sit smiling because it feels great to be in a place to truly feel, especially to feel the things that I am feeling.

A little while ago, a great friend asked me what it is that is making me so full these days. It was a great question to be asked. It was fun to think about and reflect on the things that are making me full. One of those things is a study on Esther that I am doing.

About 3 weeks ago, I decided it was time to go purchase a new Study Bible, since mine is in Texas. While I was in the bookstore, I decided to take a look at the Beth Moore studies that were there. Keep in mind, I have 3 Beth Moore studies in my desk that have been started, but have not been completed. Why did I feel I needed to buy a new one?! GOT ME! But, I am glad I did.

Esther. I don't know crap about Esther. Heck, I have a degree in Biblical Studies and can only tell you where Esther is, but not a thing about her. I will be honest, I bought the study because of the subtitle... "It's tough being a woman." Yes, Beth, it is. :)

This study has awakened a hunger in me. I look forward to my time in this study every day. I love the way Beth journeys through a topic or person with you in her studies. This study is no different. I am loving it.

All this to say, I am hungry, and it feels good.

I hope you are hungry too. :)

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I Will Exalt You

Once again, Brooke Fraser sings the song of my soul...



Here are the lyrics:
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
You are my God

My hiding place My safe refuge
My treasure Lord You are
My friend and King Anointed One
Most Holy.

Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
Because You’re with me
I will not fear

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Home...

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."

Donald Miller

I have a crush on him...

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Put this in your pipe...

...and smoke it!

"I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are tellling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition-that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are-even if we tell it only to ourselves-because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the real world will find it more acceptable than the real thing."

-Frederick Buechner

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Break my heart...

I have been drafting this post for the past week, never knowing when I should post it. As I sat in church tonight, I just kept smiling, knowing that it was time.

As I said in a previous post, I feel full. I know that I am filled to be emptied again, and I love that. I love that God, even in His infinite wisdom, considers me, ME, worthy enough to be a vessel of hope and love to this world. Pretty crazy.

This week, while going around to different school sites, my heart was broken and heavy. Driving through these neighborhoods, you see poverty, homelessness, sadness, and brokenness of all kinds. When I got out of my car, I saw a man sleeping on the sidewalk of the school under a blanket. My heart just sunk. On any given day I complain about not having my "nice bed." HELLO, at least I have a bed. Hell, at least I have a house to sleep in. My heart was heavy for the community, for the families, for the school, for the students. My heart was broken for something that I KNOW breaks HIS heart.

I have had the amazing privilege and great responsibility to journey with some close friends through some pretty excruciatingly sad times. Divorce, break-ups, miscarriages, unknowns in pregnancies, cancer diagnoses, job loss, love lost, death, disappointment, self-doubt, and unexplainable pain. It hasn't been easy. My heart has been broken and heavy over each of these issues with each person close to me. Again, I know that each one of these situations breaks the heart of the God of the universe.

Most of us have heard the song Hosanna, and many of us have even had the opportunity to sing it out. The lyrics, "break my heart for what breaks Yours," has taken on a whole new life for me these days. It is a scary prayer to pray. When you think about the implications of that prayer, you realize that you are essentially praying for a mess. A holy mess.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again. I believe that I am filled to be emptied to love and encourage and challenge and simply be in the midst of these messes.

Does your heart break for what breaks His?

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Summer Sun

I LOVE SUMMER!

Beach days, riding the cruiser, summer concerts, the fair, farmer's markets, balboa park, kayaking, margaritas, weddings, karaoke, summer camp, young life, traveling, laying by the pool, BBQ's... I just LOVE summer.

Here are some of my favorite summer pics, past and present...






















Check out Matt Wertz's song, Summer Sun, I love the chorus:

Summer sun, nothin' but time to waste
We were young, both of us taking a chance on love
Under the sun, summer sun

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You Said

You said, "ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "pray and I'll hear from heaven,
and I'll heal your land."

You said Your glory will fill the earth
like water the sea.
You said, "lift up your eyes;
the harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, "ask and I'll give the nations to you."
oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
distant shores and the islands will see

-Shane and Shane

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Shake the dust off those feet...

Last year, I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study on the life of Paul. I will be honest... I haven't finished it yet. I am currently working through one on Esther that is leaving me so hungry for the Word.

As I was leaving Cornerstone and preparing for what I thought was a move to Nashville, I was so excited to read this, "Don't try to judge your own effectiveness. Another opportunity for ministry awaits you. Shake the dust off those feet and move on. Joy lies ahead." Reading that, I thought FOR SURE that the joy that I was moving on to was Nashville. I was wrong. I could not be more glad that I was wrong.

Don't get me wrong, it was an insanely hard season of doubt and anger and sadness and loneliness, but I learned and grew and changed so much because of that season. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so it is easy for me to say that now.

I may never know why it is that I felt the deep urge to turn around and head back to San Diego, and I am perfectly at peace with that. All I do know is that it was exactly what I needed to do.

Joy did lie ahead for me. It was in a different way and place than I had planned, and that is ok.

I have great joy.

"Shake the dust off those feet and move on. Joy lies ahead."

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Give to the wind your fears...

The past few years have been full of opportunity for me to really give to the wind my fears.

Moving to Arizona, staying in Arizona, moving to Nashville, not moving to Nashville, friendships, job interviews, beach trips... LOTS of opportunities.

Last week, I was able to throw fear to the wind and do something that I have always wanted to do. I have always wanted to paddle out and watch the sunset from a surfboard. A few people have offered to take me and teach me, but I never felt comfortable enough. Quite frankly, I was always too scared. Not this time.

With a few instructions from Craig, I just jumped right in, literally. The water wasn't as cold as I thought it would be, which was a good thing since I was just in a swimsuit, no wetsuit, board shorts, rash guard...

I did it.

It was tough. There were definitely times in which I wanted to go back in and watch it from the beach with everyone else. I am glad I didn't.

While sitting out there, I couldn't help but think about God, and how Big and Powerful He is. I got a little nervous about how far out we were, the waves, and everything lurking below. :) I prayed that God would calm the waves. Then, I laughed and prayed that as I am asking Him to calm the waves in the ocean, that He would calm the waves in my heart and in my life.

I hope and pray that you find yourself in positions in which you are able to give to the wind your fears, and meet God in those moments. :)

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Filled to be emptied again...

I can't shake the thought of this line from Desert Song:

"...I know I'm filled to be emptied again."

It's how I feel.

I feel full.

I have been going to the same church for about a month now, which is a big deal considering it is the most consecutive weeks at the same church since working at Cornerstone (which was over a year ago.)

I started a new Beth Moore study last week on Esther. I will be honest, I don't know squat about Esther, which is something that is really feeding the hunger in this study. Everyday, I can't wait to get to do the study for the day. I haven't felt this way in a long time. It feels good to hunger for the Word.

I have made it a point to spend time with friends, both near and far. It has been so good to just be with people that I love and reciprocate that love. Amaris, Katelynn, Kelli, Megan Benton, Kerri, Brian, Stacey, BPerry, Andrea, Amy, Amanda, Megan Brady, Kim, Amie, Katie, Danielle, Kristi, Lanaya, Josh and Angela, Fallon, Sierra, The Blackwell Fam, Jennifer, Andy, BWurzell and so many more. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I am constantly being challenged, stretched, encouraged, humbled, and inspired by them.

Living at home certianly has it's ups and downs as a 24 year old... but I wouldn't trade this season for the world. My relationship with my mom and step-dad and even my sister and brother-in-law has never been better. I LOVE spending time with them. It has been so fun.

All this to say...

I know that I am filled to be emptied again.

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