Dad: Part 3

I realized as I was updating my blog a bit that I left you all hanging about my dad. I left off at writing my dad a letter that my sister would read to him...

Wednesday, my sister read the letter to my dad. He asked if I was going to see him. My sister couldn't tell him no. You might think that I am heartless for not seeing my dad. The reality is, I don't care what you think. I had to do what was right for me. I have done A LOT of counseling when it comes to my "daddy issues" and every counselor has said the same thing in different ways... PROTECT YOURSELF.

Every time I would start to let my dad in, he would let me down. There is only so much disappointment and heart ache a person can take from one person.

My dad called me 2 weeks before he was coming out to San Diego and had said that he wanted to see me while he was out here. I said, "OK. Well, call me when you get to town and we can talk about meeting up." I didn't say Yes or No. I left it open. Really, I did that because I wanted to see if he would even call. He didn't.

My dad was here for almost 2 months and never called. I know that I could have called him, that wasn't the point. I wanted to see if my dad would follow through. He didn't.

I sat in a counseling appointment on Wednesday, November 18th in which my counselor and I talked about my dad being in town but not calling. She asked if I was going to see my dad and I said NO and that I had a peace about it. Again, I had to do what was right for me and I had to protect myself.

Again with the time line...
Wednesday the 18th, Counseling session in which I said I wasn't going to see my dad.
Thursday the 19th, dad was admitted to the hospital.
Wednesday the 25th, my sister read my dad the letter and he asked if I was going to see him.

Wednesday nights, I go to a spin class with my dearest freighbor. After spin, I headed over to the Harvmo house for some wine and pie baking, as Thanksgiving was the next day. Teresa, my best friends mom, sat me down and lectured me. She lectured me out of complete and total love. She, in so many words, told me that I had to see my dad.

I said, "OK, but we are going right now and are staying for 5 minutes and I am not paying for parking." We laughed like little kids the whole way there, as I was in my sweaty gym clothes and slippers. She kept trying to get my to put on lip gloss and was upset that she forgot her camera for this moment. Teresa has a way of bringing joy in dark moments.

We got to the hospital and I walked in, much to my sister and dad's surprise.

I said Hi.

He said Hi.

I asked him how he was feeling.

He said OK.

He passed out from the pain and drugs and everything else.

I stayed more than the 5 minute limit. I stayed about 20 minutes, until my dad's wife arrived.

Teresa and I went back to the house to continue making pies and drinking wine. We talked here and there about what it felt like.

To be totally honest, I went that night for everyone else. I went for my friends and family who told me that I would regret it. I went to get people off of my back. I didn't want to deal with people telling me how to deal with my dad any more. I wanted to shut people up.

That night, I went for everyone else.

The next day, Thanksgiving, I would go for myself.