Risk

Some things in life require risk.

In fact, MOST things in life require risk.We want this or that but fear keeps us from risking and we in turn stay right where we are.  Fear cripples us, even when we know we are strong.

So, let me RISK by being painfully honest in this post.  I haven't wanted to been brave enough been willing to really face the reality and put the thoughts into words and onto paper (or in a blog post) for others to read.

It is no secret that I am ready to venture into the dating world and find love.

I will be honest, I thought I was ready when I was 18 and I couldn't have been more wrong.  I stood by and watched two close friends get married at 19 and 21 and was so jealous.  I didn't understand why my friends got to experience love and I didn't, especially when it was all I ever wanted.  I cried many a nights about this.  Hindsight being 20/20, I am not so jealous anymore.  Both of those friends have experienced love but they have also experienced love lost. 

I am still single... and I have mixed emotions about this.

The good stuff...

• I am thankful that I have been able to figure out so much about myself without having to think about how my decisions or emotions might affect someone else.
• I have been able to move about, only thinking about MY job and MY living situation and packing up MY things.
• I have been able to go on trips with friends and to see friends all the while only buying ONE plane ticket.
• I have moved half way to Nashville (not one of my prouder moments in life) and didn't have to worry about how the half-way move would affect someone else.
• I go to work, go to the gym, go to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, go to church, hang out with friends... all the while not having to worry about how all of these things might interfere with the schedule of another person.
• I haven't had my heartbroken.  I haven't experienced the pain of being in a relationship and then having someone say, "I don't love you anymore."

The not-so-good stuff... 

• Getting an invitation to a wedding without a "guest" because your friends know that you are single is just as awful as getting an invitation with a "guest" and not having anyone to take.
• Being the 3rd, 5th, and 7th wheels is only fun about 30% of the time.
• Having your friends refer to 2012 as "The Year of the Man" is funny the first time and then cuts like a knife... Trust me, I am acutely aware of my singleness, I don't need anyone else to remind me.  I appreciate the enthusiasm but sometimes it is just a bit much.
•  Getting two tickets to a sporting event or concert would be much more exciting if I had a hunky piece of man to take with me.  (Yes, I am aware that I just said "hunky piece of man" and how objectifying that statement is.  No, I don't care.)  Don't get me wrong, I like that I have been able to take lots of friends to do really great things but it would be nice to take a guy.  Is it too much to want to listen to Lady Antebellum live with a rugged hot cowboy?!  I didn't think so. :)

So, this is where things get tough.  This is where RISK comes into play.

I want to go on dates.  I want my friends to set me up with their friends (or to even think about setting me up with their friends).  I want to meet a cute boy and have the confidence to flirt it up and let him know that I like his style, rather than clamming up like I usually do.  I want to have a boyfriend.  I want to experience love.

All of those things that I want require RISK.  I have allowed fear to cripple me in ways that I am very aware of and in ways that I may never know or understand.  I have resisted risk.  I will do anything but risk.

I have a crush but I refuse to say anything too forward because I FEAR that I might get rejected.  I refuse to risk because of my fear.  The reality is, I will continue to simply have a crush as long as I refuse to risk.

The hardest part of all of this is facing the reality that risk is required in life.  It is our job to decide whether or not the risk is worth it.  We have to decide if we are willing to jump in and risk whatever it is that we are risking to gain what we think we may want.  Is my crush worth the risk?  If he is worth it, I will jump in and risk.  If he isn't, I won't.  And the even harder truth is that I may never know if he is worth it if I don't risk.

Risk is hard.  REALLY hard.

BUT

RISK IS NECESSARY! 

We MUST risk in order to stretch and grow and become and feel and be.

Here's to 2012 and taking RISKS.




Let it be said that it took great RISK in clicking the PUBLISH button for this post.  Letting you all read this is RISKY!