Funk

I can't decide if the modern conveniences that we are attached to have made life better or worse.  At the top of this list would be social networking.  I love staying in touch with friends far away, getting to see my friends kids change and grow, and getting to stalk (let's be real, that's what it is) people that I am "friends" with.  I don't love the fallacies that run rampant among these sites.  I don't know that any of us mean to do this, but we do.

Life is oh so sexy when shown through a pretty Instagram filter.

The truth is, life isn't feeling so sexy for me today... for the past few days really.
Here is the reality of the funk that I am currently in:

I haven't talked much about my weight loss journey recently because I haven't seen a loss in a while.  I lost my mojo.  I got comfortable in my journey and stopped doing the things that I knew I needed to do.  I stopped keeping track of what I ate and drank.  I stopped working out regularly, or even at all for a season.  I let myself go.  I let myself go so much that I have gained 14 pounds from my lowest weight in this journey.  14 pounds!  14 pounds makes a BIG difference in how I feel and how my clothes fit and consequently how confident I feeling.  That doesn't happen over night.  That isn't one bad meal.  That isn't one bad weekend.  That isn't one bad week.  That isn't even a lot of bad weeks.  It is the culmination of no longer staying focused on the goal.  I have said that I will make a U-Turn and change a few times, but it is easier said than done.  I keep trying to think back to the drive that I had at the beginning of the journey so I can get it back.  The reality is, I just wanted to change.  I really really wanted to change and I was willing to do anything to do so.  I say I want to change but my actions have not reflected so.  Part of me putting this out there is making it a reality.  I don't want to hide behind pictures that are cropped or filtered just right.  I want to change... it is time for my actions to reflect that desire.

Tuesday was the three year anniversary of my dad's death.  That day always puts me in a funk.  The death of my dad brought with it a whole mess of emotions and thoughts.  When my dad died I no longer had to question whether or not he would show up to my wedding and if he did show, whether or not he would be drunk.  On the flip side, I no longer had the option to have my dad at my wedding.

A few weeks ago I broke out on my left cheek.  I thought it was just the usual post period break out.  Nope. Not this time.  Full on adult acne.  Painful.  Too many blemishes to count.  It isn't my make-up.  It isn't the way I sleep.  It is simply hormones.  It is getting better but is still annoying and VERY noticeable.  I am one of the lucky ones who has never really dealt with acne - even in the teenage years, I only got a few zits here and there.  So, this is a big deal for me.

Being 27 and single at the holidays has it's peaks and pits.  Hearing Dave Barnes sing of how Christmas is a "Holiday made for two" doesn't exactly help in the pit department.  I am VERY fortunate in that I have A LOT of people around me that love me... but there is still the desire to have a handsome man to spend the holiday with.

So there you have it.  That is where I am at... without the pretty facade of an instagram filter and without the photo being cropped.  That's the whole thing...