The Starter Boyfriend: Part One

The Evangelical Church plants some pretty interesting thoughts about dating, courting, and relationships in general.  Do this.  Don't do that.  It's called COURTING, NOT dating.  The list could go ON and ON and ON.

I am fairly certain that it is no one's intention to do permanent damage, but I fear that is exactly what is happening.  I have seen multiple scenarios play out among my friends and classmates from the teeny tiny Bible College and Faith Based University that I attended.

1. Girl meets Boy at 18 or 19.  Girl and Boy "court".  Girl and Boy don't dare have a sexual relationship of any sort.  Girl and Boy have a short engagement.  Girl and Boy get married.  Girl and Boy get pregnant.  Girl and Boy live happily ever after - often times denying that life is ever hard.
2. Girl meets Boy at 18 or 19.  Girl and Boy "court".  Girl and Boy don't dare have a sexual relationship of any sort.  Girl and Boy have a short engagement.  Girl and Boy get married.  Girl and Boy discover that they didn't know who they were or what they wanted in life.  Girl and Boy get divorced.
3. Girl meets Boy.  Girl and Boy go on a few dates.  Girl and Boy decide to be "boyfriend and girlfriend".  Girl's friends immediately ask when they are getting married.  Boy's friends could care less about the marriage conversation.  Girl and Boy date for a few months and then they don't anymore.
4. Girl meets Boy.  Girl and Boy date - going against the grain.  Girl and boy have a sexual relationship - again going against the grain.  Girl and Boy have a healthy relationship.  Girl and Boy get engaged and married.  Girl and Boy live happily ever after, through the ups and downs that life brings.
5. Girl meets Boy.  Girl and Boy "hook up" or "mess around" or whatever else terminology you choose to use.  That's all.
6. Girl meets Boy. That's all.

Now, there are more than just six scenarios.  Quite frankly, I got tired of typing them out.  There are endless combinations, even within the six that I listed above.  All this to say, I can't help but feel like many of us have been thrown into the torrent river without a swimming lesson or a life vest.  We don't know how to date.  We don't know how to just be.

A first date doesn't always lead to a second date - and that is OK!
A second date doesn't always lead to a third date - and that is OK!
A third date doesn't always lead to sex - and that is REALLY OK!
A relationship doesn't always come after 5 dates - and that is OK!
A really awful date can come after 6 weeks of really wonderful dates - and that is OK!
A relationship that lasts for a year, or two, or three, or even four sometimes ends rather than leading to a big sparkly ring - and that is OK!

We put so much pressure on dates.
We go from meeting someone to planning our wedding and picking out kid names in 30 seconds.
We plan ahead rather than living in the moment.

What if we had starter boyfriends and saw them simply as they were?